Box seats at the Padres game

I should've known the night was going to be a fun one when the evening began and we were already running late.

Brandon: You know Josh's coming, right?
Me: That's cool. What time does the game start?
Brandon: 20 minutes, and we still gotta pick up Caitlyn too.
Me: What is that kid doing?
Brandon: JOSH! What are you doing up there?!
Josh: I'm just ironing my shirt, I'll be down in a minute.

We sit there for 5 minutes.

Brandon: Josh! What the f--- are you doing up there?

Josh comes downstairs. Both me and Brandon stare at him and then look at each other and start cracking up.

Me: I thought you said you were ironing?
Josh: I was.
Me: Then why are you in shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals?
Josh: I had to iron my shirt.

We're still laughing as we leave, pick up Caitlyn, and off to the game it was.

A half hour later we arrive at the park and realize that neither Brandon or Caitlyn have their parking pass. No big deal. We park a block away at the convention center. The whole way up and crossing the street, I'm running my mouth to everyone that passes by.

Me: (to people in Giants jerseys) Giants SUCK! Go back to San Fancisco ya losers! Boooo! (continue to yell and mock them in every way)
Me: (to people in Padres jerseys) Padres SUCK! I came down from San Francisco for this?! Booooo! (continue to yell and mock them in every way)

I continued to berate and belittle every person that I passed. The worst reaction I got from ANYONE however, was a frown. Most people actually laughed or tried to ignore me when I was inches away from their face. Back home at a Yankees game the least I would've gotten was a baseball bat to the kneecaps or a roundhouse kick to the jugular. I guess the fans out here are a bit different.

We cross the street to get to the ballpark and it turns out that was the same time the world's longest train decides to pass us so we have to wait. So we wait for a while, and then wait some more. The crowd is now up to about 80 or so and I decide to push through and see if this train is ever going to end.

Brandon: (yelling over everyone) Hey man, can you even see the end of it?
Me: I see the end, but OH CRAP! IT'S ALL THE WAY IN TIJUANA!!

The crowd laughs and I realize I now have fans. I throw a few other funnies out there and the train is finally ending. There's only a few carts left and then all of a sudden it stops.

Now the only thing separating us and freedom is the very end of the train that's not moving, a fence, and the crossing arm that is obviously down. The crowd starts murmuring as there is only 3 carts left. If the train had only gone 30 more feet we would have been good to cross.

"Enough of this crap" I think to myself. I duck under the arm and walk next to the train towards the back, scoffing everyone who will be stuck there for the rest of their lives.

BANG!

The train starts moving again. With the caboose passing me, I figure it's time to entertain the crowd again.

I jump on the train and start climbing the ladder on the back waving to everyone as if I'm the conductor.
"Woooooooo! Alright PADRES! Let's go SAN DIEEEEGGGOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO!" I look with anticipation, figuring I would've started an uproar of cheers by now due to my motivation and excitement. I look around and all I see is blank stares. I hear a bird let out a single chirp a few miles away.

Come to find out, elsewhere in the country someone died on train tracks earlier that day and it was all over the news. Usually I'm pretty good with comedic timing. This wasn't one of those times.

We hurry to the field and get to the box. I'm immediately greeted by a cute chick (CC).

Me: Where's the food?
CC: Out there. Help yourself. If you need anything to drink, just ask me and I'll make it for you.
Me: I'll start with a Coke on the rocks.

I proceed in and I'm shocked at all the people there. All the other box seats I've experienced in my life have been very nice, but very personal as well, usually accompanying 10 guests or so. There was roughly 50 people in my box already.

I don't know anyone but start introducing myself and filling my plate. CC brings me my drink and asks me if I need anything, just let her know. With that comment, I apply some of my charm and she's loving it. But I'm too hungry and too into the game to continue on in any more banter at this point. I send her on her way and let her know I'll be back to her soon.

An hour into the game and aside from my stomach hurting due to the amount of food I consumed in such a short period of time, all is well. Around the 7th inning, I'm realizing all the seats in our section (except outside the box) are packed. Now I can watch the game standing up or I can sit down on the couches and watch the game on the TV's inside the box. All I want to do is be seated while watching the game live. I start looking at my options and they are very limited - until I look to my left.

An identical box with about 10 people occupying the seats is right next to us, separated by nothing but a knee high chain.

Me: I found my seats.
Josh: You can't go over there.
Brandon: Nah, you ain't going over there.
Me: Call me Rosa Parks, cus I'm taking a seat.

I take a few steps away from my chums and I'm already in the other box. I take a seat and the women a few seats down greet me with smiles. CC is directly to my right, standing about a foot away from me. She's watching the game and all of a sudden notices me.

CC: Hey you.
Me: Hey, what's up?
CC: Wait, aren't you with that party over there?
Me: Yeah, but there's no seats over there, plus I wanted to see you.
CC: (smiles) Yeah, but you know you're not supposed to be over here, right?
Me: (playfully) I know. I guess it will just have to be our secret then.
CC: (still smiling) No, you really have to go back over there.
Me: (still not sure of her intentions) Are you serious? There's no one even over here, and I won't tell anyone. It's cool if I just chill here for a little while, right?

I don't really know how to put this into words, but she started to get nervous. I have literally seen people with guns to their heads, and I kid you not, I have never seen anyone get as nervous as CC at that moment. She put on the most forced smile I have ever seen, was quite possibly grinding her teeth, and started shaking. Her voice got a little higher and louder and she was nodding her head like it was okay.

CC: YEAH (shakes some more) YEAH, IT'S OKAY IF YOU STAY HERE!
Me: (not sure if she's going to explode) Um...

She sprints away.

Whatever. Either someone will come over and say something or I'm just going to sit here and watch the ga-

Guy in my face: Sir, are you with this party?!
Me: Of course I am.

He starts staring at me and I wasn't sure if he was trying to get me to crack or if he was unsure of where to go next.

I turn from him and continue watching the game.

Guy in my face: Wait...were you on the field before the game? (starts smiling ear to ear) Oh my gosh, you're with the hall of champions aren't you? I saw you on the field before the game!

Now, I'm not sure if he was just trying to pull one over on me or if he's actually serious. Without skipping a beat, I'm right there with him.

Me: Yeah! Hall of champions.
GIMF: Well congratulations! You did a great job out there.
Me: Thanks. It was a hard road, but all worth it in the end.
GIMF: I'm Bob! It's a pleasure to meet you.
Me: (shake his hand) I'm John. Pleasure is all mine. (beat) So, Padres gonna pull through on this one?
Bob: I sure hope so. So you're here with Allen? (points to guy a few rows down)
Me: Yup, (points at Allen) me and Allen (cross my fingers to signify how close me and Allen are).
Bob: Well good to meet you. You need anything, just let me know.

He pats me on the shoulder and walks away. I look over and my friends are in tears cracking up. Out of the corner of my eye I CC angrily talking to Bob. Realizing she's pleading with him that I'm not quite the All-Star he thinks, I go back to enjoying the game. Then the elaborate plot unfolds.

CC is in my face with a huge plate full of cake.

CC: You want any cake?
Me: I'm good, thanks.

But she stays there and I'm wondering why, until I see "Bob" make his way down the stairs to chat with Allen.

This girl is actually trying to block me from seeing Bob and Allen's conversation!

I totally make it obvious that she's not standing in my way by glaring around her at Bob and Allen. A minute later after some intense conversation, Bob is walking back up and when he passes me, gives a smile.

Me: Bobooooo (I give a smile and act like I'm playfully shooting him with my hand)

He nervously smiles and keeps walking.

Then comes Allen. I'm guessing he's coming up to see if he recognizes me per Bob's request.

Me: Hey, hey! What's up Allen?

He smiles and keeps on walking.

Now I turn and see Bob and Allen conversing. I can't wait to see how this one pans out.

Not a moment later and Bob is in my face.

Bob: Hey, you don't belong here and I'm going to have to ask you to go back over there.
Me: But my legs are broken!

He pauses.

Me: I'm just kidding. All you had to do was ask.

I take 2 steps to the right and I'm back on the other side with my chums. I then helped myself to more food.

The only downside to the whole night was finding out how crazy CC really was. Well, at least I found out that night that she was crazy and not months into our relationship. Okay, maybe deep down I really wished I had found out later.

Go Padres.

~John "Just wants to sit down and watch the game " Money

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