Movie Reviews

3 Amigos - Plot: Three out of work silent movie actors are accidentally drawn to a Mexican village that is being harassed by a gang of outlaws. The three, 'Ned', 'Lucky Day' and 'Dusty Bottoms' play 'Lone Ranger' types in their movies, but must play their parts for real now.
--When you have a cast of 3 hilarious actors you will obviously have quite a humorous movie. When you add an "El Guapo" to the movie, you have pure gold. This movie is a clear example of a good comedy movie combining the key elements of good acting, writing, and comedic timing. Making its debut in 1986, this was one of the flicks I've seen close to 50 times and aside from memorizing many of the plethora of quotable lines, I can honestly say I laughed probably every time I watched it even when I knew what was coming next. With everything from thinking that the "infamous" ruthless killer just meant that he was just very famous, to after not getting an answer repeatedly asking a bush that was moving and singing if it was the "singing bush," this is definitely a movie worth seeing...multiple times. One of my favorite comedies. ****1/2
The Reality: "Goodnight, Ned - Goodnight, Ned - GOODNIGHT, NED!"

3 Ninjas - Plot: Three young brothers, who have been trained in ninja techniques from an early age by their Ninjitsu trained grandfather, learn that they possess powers which evil crooks would like to control. When a kidnap is attempted, they must defend themselves using all their skills.
--With such amazing roles after this film (and many at that), Michael Treanor, Max Slade, and Chad Power do a decent job playing the Ninja brothers and looking out for each other throughout this 'entertaining for an 11 year old to see this flick once' movie. I say/write that simply because, yep, I saw the movie once as a bored 11 year old and it did the job of killing 2 hours of a rainy Saturday afternoon. * (<--- and yes, keeping with the wonderful theme of the movie, that is of course a Chinese star)
The Reality: I still own this movie. I don't think it plays to well though since it's a bit old...and I use it as a bedpan.

3 Strikes - Plot: Rob Douglas (Brian Hooks) is just released from jail and the state has adopted a "3 strikes" rule for felons that involves serious penalties. He has 2 strikes, and wants to change his life for the better. When a friend picks him up, they are pulled over, and as his friend shoots at police officers, Hooks manages to escape. Now Hooks, a wanted man, must clear his name of having nothing to do with the shooting.
--Everyone can relate to this story line. 2 strikes against us, fresh out of jail on parole and our buddy comes to pick us up only to start firing upon police when pulled over. We've all been there. Brian Hooks does an excellent job of bringing laughs to this 'A' for effort but not much more movie. Many outlandish and unrealistic situations that go too far (i.e. Mo'Nique's character, which seems to be exactly the same in every move/film/how to kill yourself video) make this movie with somewhat of potential go pretty much down the porcelain. Kudos to Hooks for keeping me awake during this movie. *
The Reality: When Juanita and Rob are in the hotel and she goes to take a bath, that was Rob's chance to drown her and it's his loss that he didn't. Dahlia (mo'nique) should've been shot and J.J. loved the 'compromising' position he was in while in the hospital after being shot. There's no denying his flagrant love for men.

3:10 to Yuma -
The Reality: It's not a Yuma!

4 Brothers
--With this cast of actors my original plans to 'never see this movie' were surprisingly overshadowed by many reliable sources recommending I see this film. An excellent story line with a well written script that even 3 singers and the kid who cried when his dad threw his state championship ring out the window couldn't make this that bad of a movie. Though some scenes tend to be a bit unrealistic and the hard core "gangster" of the movie came off about as hard as a cotton ball, overall it was a film I would definitely recommend.***1/2
The Reality: The best part of the movie is clearly when someone steps up to "fight the champ." The second best part? The pink belly.

4 dogs playing poker - Plot: Four friends steal a valuable statuette for a dangerous black market art dealer, lose it and are forced to play a deadly bluffing game to save their lives. They each take out a $1 million life insurance policy on themselves. Consequently, if one of the friends die, the others will collect on the policy and pay off the dangerous art dealer. The thieves then enter into a lethal lottery to choose who will be the victim and who will be the killer.
--Surprisingly this is a slightly suspenseful film that will keep you interested all the way till the end. That is of course if you don't figure it out as I did long before the climax. The best part of this film is when Felix (Tim Curry) dies, which seems to happen to him in every movie he's in. Not a well known movie yet definitely worth a it on a 'Blockbuster' night. ***
The Reality: Felix could've died in the opening scene to make it better. Now, if I were in the same predicament and had taken out a life policy on myself I would've killed myself to collect the money. Then I'd be RICH!

5 Card Stud -
Plot: A guy who "never bluffs" in poker games falls in love with a woman in a relationship and takes the first real gamble of his life. (<---not bad, eh?)
--In the background of many scenes we can hear an adult film playing. The dialogues in those films were much more intelligent than all the characters throughout the whole movie. A painfully bad acting job by the entire cast made for quite a yawn inducing film. With an impressive story line, it's a shame the no-name actors couldn't do better with this to make it a standout film. With exaggerated characters, the story moving as fast as molasses, and a film not worthy of an afternoon special timeslot, there was nothing believable in this movie...not even when it ended.*
The Reality: 5 card stud is one of the least popular of all poker (link to my poker article coming soon) games, however, I still challenge anyone, anytime, for any money.

6th sense, The - Plot: After Dr. Malcolm Crowe, a distinguished child psychologist, receives an award for his work he is visited by a very unhappy ex-patient who made claims of very peculiar issues that Crowe was unable to help with. In his last effort of frustration, his patient shoots Crowe and then takes his own life. Months later Crowe is hired to help a boy who is a frightened, confused, eight-year-old who has similar issues to his last patient that he could not help. With a chance to redeem himself and make right on his past failures Dr. Crowe is completely unprepared to face the truth of what haunts Cole.
--Nominated for 437 Oscars, this is a 'must see' film for those who have lived under a rock and have yet to see this movie. The famous "I see dead people" quote comes directly from one of the most poignant scenes in the movie which is only heightened when the plot unfolds at the climax. Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment compliment each other as they do a superb job in this Mystery/Thriller. One of the best movies of the year (1999) and arguably one of the greatest twists in movies of our day. ****
The Reality: We all can credit this movie for giving us a great line at the time, only to be butchered to no end in years to come about seeing dead people. Apparently Haley Joel Osment was in the movie The Jungle book in 2003 but unfortunately was not eaten by a lion.

8 mile - Plot: The people of Detroit know 8 Mile as the city limit, a border, a boundary. It is also a psychological dividing line that separates Jimmy Smith Jr. (Eminem) from where and who he wants to be. A rap version of "Saturday Night Fever." B-Rabbit, a wannabe rapper from the wrong side of Detroit's 8 Mile, has problems: he dumps his girlfriend when she tells him she's pregnant; to save money to make a demo tape, he moves into his alcoholic mom's trailer; his job's a dead end, and he's just choked at the local head-to-head rap contest. Things improve when he meets Alex - an aspiring model headed for New York - and a fast-talking pal promises to set up the demo. Then new setbacks: Alex isn't faithful, mom rejects him, rifts surface with his friends, and he's mugged by rivals. Everything hinges on the next rap showdown at the club.
--By emphasizing and elaborating the plot I'm hoping that will make up for lack of actual content and interest in this movie. Unfortunately this is yet another deemed 'classic' by my embarrassingly inane generation. Having no interest in viewing this film, I did however have the desire to watch the DVD specials in which Eminem battles/freestyles with the 'movie rappers.' This is one of those movies that just happened to be being viewed at different residences where social gatherings were taking place and throughout the course of my boredom at these outings, saw the film. Of course I wish I had a gun at the time so I could've shot my leg like Chedder Bob and probably would've been in less pain then when watching the film. I'll admit, Kim Basinger did help persuade me to keep watching to see when she would be on screen next but alas, she was unfortunately overshadowed by the unfathomable phenom of a skinny kid from Michigan. **
The Reality: Surprisingly this film did extremely well for a rapper who took on a role as an actor. Take that JA Rule, Ice Cube, DMX, Ice T, Snoop Dogg, Mos Def, Lil Bow wow, and others. Yet again, it shouldn't be too surprising that Eminem brought in record numbers at the box office. I wouldn't expect anything less from the Anti-Christ.

8mm - Plot: In the film,"8mm," private investigator Tom Welles is hired by an old woman named Mrs. Christian and her lawyer, Daniel Longdale, to determine if an 8mm film owned by her rich, deceased husband, is authentic and depicts the actual murder of a teenage girl.
--The first 1/2 hour of this film was extremely slow, and then I realized I hadn't turned the power on the television to "on." After doing so, I wished I had just watched the black screen for the next hour or so because I would've been much happier. This had potential to be a great film if it hadn't already been produced in espanol under the title "Thesis," which is indeed quality snuff film. *
The Reality: I wanted to make a snuff film featuring the genius who made this movie.

9th gate - Plot: Rare book sleuth Dean Corso has been hired to find the two other existing copies of the seventeenth-century Book of the Nine Doors to the Kingdom of Darkness, reputed to hold the key to conjuring Satan. He travels from Madrid to Paris in search of the Book of the Nine Doors.
--Very good story line and well directed (not too disturbing when you realize it's just another Polanski film). Though it is a slow movie, if you are able to stay with it to the climax, then it definitely isn't a let down. Another fine eccentric portrayal by Johnny Depp as he ventures out in order to get his hands on the highly desired book, yet falls into the intrigue the devil so subliminally puts out to bait us. I would recommend this film if you are into Johnny Depp, Roman Polanski, or devil worship and how to get into the kingdom of hell through a book. Two (devil) horns up. Kidding, not too shabby and shows how easily most people can be deceived. ***
The Reality: I was interested in getting to the 9th Gate myself until I realized I was already there at work with hours upon hours of time to kill, hence reviewing the 1,000's of movies I've seen.

12 monkeys - Plot: A convict, sent back in time to stop a devastating plague, is sent too far back and is hospitalized as insane. Is the reality of his life trying to get the virus or is he just crazy?
--A very different and refreshing look at time travel as James Cole (Bruce Willis) struggles not only to survive, but figure out what is and isn't reality. It is said to be inspired by a short film "La Jetee" (which I have yet to see so I cannot verify this bold claim). With flashbacks, dreams, memories, the present, the past, the future, and Cole constantly talking about the 'army of the 12 monkeys' the scenes can get a bit confusing. I remember trying to convince my parents that the army of the 12 monkeys was coming and that I needed to 'save the world' but I was just beaten senseless. They said I was crazy, but we'll see who's crazy when 5 billion of you are infected and die. All in all, a pretty good movie. ***1/2
The Reality: As stated, just wait and see you chumps, yeah, all 5 billion of you.

15 minutes - Plot: A homicide detective and a fire Marshall must stop a pair of murderers who commit videotaped crimes to sell to the media so they can become rich, famous, and get away with the murders.
--Watching a film that isn't Robert De Niro's best film is like watching a game of Michael Jordan's that isn't his greatest either - there's room for improvement but no question that it's still entertaining. Combine that with a different twist on the usual good guy vs. bad buy concept and you get a thriller that is actually captivating enough to keep you watching to see what's coming in the subsequent scenes. Other than a less than noteworthy performance by Kelsey Grammer (it was a good acting job, but I just couldn't buy his 'bad guy' character in this one. It would be like McCauley Culkin playing a Mafia Crime Boss - just doesn't go with the authenticity of his character buildup for so many years. He's not a bad buy, he's stinkin' Fraiser!), the acting was believable in this somewhat unrealistic movie. A good look into our society's disgusting media obsession with crime and glorifying anything illicit as long as it's entertaining. Not too bad as whole and it's nice and action packed enough for those lifeless days when you want to get a little pump from the adrenal gland. ***
The Reality: They say everyone has their 15 minutes of fame. Me on the other hand, I had 1/2 hour of making a fool of myself on national television during a wonderful episode of the highly acclaimed show "street smarts."

16 candles - Plot: A young girl's "sweet sixteenth" birthday becomes anything but special as she suffers from every embarrassment possible.
--I remember when I was turning 16 and my parents forgot my birthday as well. If it hadn't been for this movie and the inspiration of Ms. Samantha Baker, I wouldn't have been able to enter womanhood as successfully as I did. The first in a successful combination of John Hughes and Molly Ringwald, this film delves into a common feeling of neglect and unimportance as Samantha's family has too much going on to remember her nonessential birthday. Just about everyone feels this insignificant at one point or another. Or as in my case have yet to substantiate an existence to the opposite sex since I have been ignored by women my entire life. A classic flick of the 80's, it is a feel good type of movie that you can watch again and again for sheer nostalgia as well as a "family night" worthy movie that everyone can enjoy.***1/2
The Reality: Did Samantha think she was special or something? "Oh no, they forgot my birthday," Oh no, you're lucky you didn't get beat like a redheaded stepchild...you redheaded child! She should've just turned to find joy comfort in bulimia like most normal girls her age.

21 Grams - Plot: The lives of three people are drawn together when loving housewife Cristina Peck (Watts) is forced to suffer the loss of her husband Michael and their two daughters, killed in a hit-and-run by born-again ex-con Jack Jordan (Del Toro). Paul Rivers (Penn), a college professor dying of heart failure, becomes the recipient of Michael's transplanted heart and is drawn to Cristina out of the debt of life owed to her husband. Their connection affects irreparable change in the lives of all three, and through their experiences they will find hope, despair, and redemption.
--An excellent script that incorporates multiple story lines to unite the characters of people that would most likely under no other circumstances be involved in each other's lives. Since dealing with multiple characters lives, we go back and forth between them at the beginning of the movie which may appear confusing to some extent, but as the plot unfolds and the characters are brought together, it becomes not only more understandable, but more intriguing as well. A well done film with relatable characters (come on, we've all covered up a hit-and-run accident) and reiterating the quality script, though it may not be a "must see," it's certainly highly recommended.***1/2
The Reality: This movie is much better after taking 21 grams of crack. (Note: I do not advocate or condone drug use in any way shape or form...though I do wish I had taken drugs instead of sitting through 90% of the movies I've seen.)

25th hour -Plot: The 25th Hour depicts the last day of freedom for a young man before he begins serving a seven-year jail term for drug dealing. Prowling through the city until dawn with his two close male friends and his girlfriend, he is forced to re-examine his life and how he got himself into his predicament, which leads to a shocking, disturbing finale.
--Though of course the main focus was the struggle between Monty and himself/decisions made, I believe I was more captivated by the way the childhood friends united to not only bring comfort and have a last day of nostalgic fun like the good ol' days, but to plan out a future that would make it seem like they had never been separated. Throughout the movie as the plot is building, more details are exposed about the past and how Monty got into this predicament, we start to realize how genuine his feelings are and that he may not be such a bad 'major drug trafficker' after all.**1/2
The Reality: Naturelle was really the one who snitched out Monty and when it was revealed that it was his boy, certainly a flaw in the movie. There is no way it was his buddy who jacked him up but definitely a shady stripper. Oh yeah, very smart move having your friend 'mess up your face' for jail. For inquiring minds wondering if that approach works, all that will do is make your face hurt and cause others to laugh at you when you enter prison before they become your pimp.

40 Year old Virgin, The
--When I saw the ads for this movie, I was certain the apocalypse was upon us. Infuriated that a movie would be made mocking morals, I decided to do some research. Immediately a found a prominent church that had an online review, OF THIS MOVIE! Still baffled a church would actually watch this film and review it definitely caught my attention. I read the review and to my utter shock, they supported the message in this movie (not the swearing or coarse joking). There was no nudity, no violence, and no humor. I do recall laughing at 2 or 3 parts in the movie, but while the rest of the theater was in tears at the lowbrow jokes and trite dialogue, I was in depression. Surprisingly, however, a good message.*1/2
The Reality: I know a 40 year old virgin, and it's your mother.

48 hours - Plot: Oddball cop and tough guy, Jack Cates is the only survivor of a cop shooting and in hunting down the murderer collects Reggie Hammond from jail for 48 hours. Hammond is oddly motivated to help. The killer is searching for his stash of cash. Cates and Hammond who have the Black-white, cop-crook thing to work out make surprisingly good partners as they navigate through the city looking for their suspect
--In Eddie Murphy's first motion picture he makes quite an impression in this defining role as a quick witted, funny, and quite a smooth character. The tension between the two (Murphy and Nolte's character) makes for many odd and humorous predicaments that just escalates as their adventures go on. With both pursuing their separate goals, Jack after the bad guys (classic cop vs. robbers) and Hammond after the money (criminal out of jail going after the loot) they are on common ground working together to get what they want. Very funny at some points, and others a bit far-fetched but always a great TBS Sunday matinee. ***
The Reality: Nick Nolte - best mug shot ever.

50 First Dates - Plot: Henry Roth is a veterinarian living in Hawaii who enjoys the company of vacationing women. He leaves the playboy life behind after he falls for Lucy, who suffers from short-term memory loss. Since she can never remember meeting him, Henry has to romance Lucy every single day and hope that she falls for him.
--This is a yawner that is a cleverly disguised chick flick with Sandler baiting us in to make it not seem like one. A bit odd that the not only a family but a whole town would go out of their way every single day to make sure one crazy chick wouldn't be 'freaked out' when she realized she was in an accident. Very poor concept, but then again, the movie "Kung Pow" was made so I can see how this was produced. *
The Reality: I think Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider should be in a movie together since it is very fresh and has never been done before.

54 - Plot: A story of the famous Studio 54 in the 1970's which was a hot disco hangout for the social elite of New York where everyone wanted to be.
--Though I wouldn't give this film any awards, I had the desire to keep living after watching it in its entirety. A great portrayal of a repulsive character (an imposing gay boss) by Mike Myers with a decent cast. There was a lot of room for "more action" with everything that was going on and all the subplots were pretty weak, just barely delving into the story line only to be left up in the air...like my arms after the movie.**1/2
The Reality: It was fun watching Shane go from having a dream, to a disco club star, to getting the clap.

300 - Plot : A rendition of the book (and the historical account of) The Spartans and the battle of Thermopylae.
--Everything about this movie is top notch. The plot (obviously based on a historical battle) aside, the technology that made this film so cutting edge and engaging is absolutely amazing. Though some would complain that the CG/effects are too "cartoonish," I would agree with Ephialtes and say "YOU ARE WRONG!" Seriously though, if you haven't seen the movie, watch it. The only drawback I find about the entire film is the oracle scene's length is unnecessary and the musical numbers similar to to movie "Gladiator" I could've done without. Other than that, this movie is awesome.****
The reality: Although I've seen over 1,000 movies in my life over the span of 2 decades and this movie only came out in 2007, I still don't believe I've seen another movie as many times as this one. No, not even the ones I would watch incessantly as a child (there are a few dozen on this list that I've honestly seen over 50 times). This movie (and more so anything having to do with Spartan culture) rules.

About a boy -Plot: A Movie rendition of the novel, this is the story of a man (Will) who as he begins to face 'adulthood' becomes lonely as and invents an imaginary son so he can start attending single parent meetings to meet women. As a result of one of his liaisons, he meets Marcus, an odd 12-year-old boy with problems at school. Gradually, Will and Marcus become friends, and as Will teaches Marcus how to be a cool kid, Marcus helps Will to finally grow up. *1/2
--This movie's pace is neck and neck with the tortoise as it progresses. A cute story line as we so easily empathize with Marcus as we see the different ends of the spectrum he and Will struggle with in their lives. For being a comedy, sadly too much effort is put in and the outcome is only a few chuckles, and nightmares.
The Reality: When Will is caught out in his lies while eating in the restaurant, his sarcasm is hilarious, a ploy used many times by yours truly.

About last night -

Above the Rim -Plot: While waiting to find out about a basketball scholarship to Georgetown, Kyle, a promising high school star must make decisions regarding a baketball tournament between a drug dealer and a former basketball star much like himself, turned security guard, that could impact his basketball career.
--Nobody can play a hobo better than Bernie Mac and not many can play a goofy dude trying to fit in with the gangsta's than Marlon Wayans. The shocker here folks is that Tupac Shakur plays the hardcore thug (yes, I couldn't believe it either!) trying to influence Kyle to the dark side. The funniest scene in the movie is without a doubt when Marlon Wayans character is completely rejected by the homies and laughed at like the outcast that he is. Classic. Another genius point in the movie is that the basketball hoop on the roof of the building they presumably always play on doesn't seem to have adequate protection so if you jump to hit the backboard and jump to far, you fly to your death. Not your typical 'homies in the hood' movie but a message that will keep the kids that play basketball on roofs thinking. This soundtrack also contributed one of the greatest songs of 94' with Regulate. ***1/2
The Reality: Emulating the scene where Marlon Wayans is belittled is always a great way to look cool, impress your friends, and make you feel better about yourself. Always a laugh!

Abre los ojos -Plot: A very handsome man finds the love of his life, but he suffers an accident and needs to have his face rebuilt by surgery after it is severely disfigured.
--The original "Vanilla Sky" this is obviously the Spanish version that somehow seems better than the re-make. With a plethora of twists and turns and going from past to present, reality to fantasy and back again, it's not easy to keep up with (especially when you don't understand the loco language!) but a thriller worth watching. I was thrilled to watch it.
The Reality: I DID open my eyes and saw that Penelope somehow was in both this movie and Vanilla sky and though she did a fairly decent job though she's no Roseyln Sanchez, my soon to be wife.

Accepted -

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective -Plot: A goofy detective specializing in animals goes in search of a missing dolphin mascot of a football team
--Need I say (write) more about this over-the-top ridiculous slapstick comedy? Being a fan of Jim Carrey throughout his In Living Color days, this was a must see flick and as a comedy enthused movie lover, at the tender age of 13, this was an immediate favorite among the peers and the younger generation. Of course the many quotable lines and animated gestures from the script were just butchered to death, however this is one of those movies that everyone loves at the time and just gets to be more trite as the years go on. A bit too extreme with exaggeration of character, but funny and fresh at the time. ***
The Reality: "She's Ray Finkle, she's a man!" Like Vera de Milo didn't like it!

Addams family values, The -Plot: Uncle Fester has been missing for years and after a doctor finds out, he decides to introduces a fake Fester in an attempt to get the Adams Family's money. Wednesday Adams (Christina Ricci) however, has some doubts as to the sincerity of the "new" uncle Fester, despite his getting along with the family and playing up to the part.
--To be quite frank, the only thing that stands out about this movie is the well played eccentric role of Gomez Adams (by Raul Julia) and of course Christina Ricci being attractive in some eerie way. A good movie if you're a fan of the original TV show and/or cartoon.*1/2
The Reality: Despite popular belief, Christina has gotten progressively less attractive throughout the years.

Adventures in babysitting -Plot: After Chris Parker (Elizabeth Shue), a senior in high school is heartbroken when her older boyfriend stands her up, she reluctantly agrees to babysit for a girl that has an obsession with a superhero and a freshman from her school that has a crush on her (along with his sex-obsessed friend who pops in when he hears Chris is babysitting them). When a friend of hers gets stuck at a bus station in the city, she calls her only hope Chris to come and get her. Chris has no other choice but to bring the kids along and from the burbs to the big city, the foursome encounter many unimaginable predicaments throughout the way.
--Surely this is one of the better family comedies of the late 80's. Though the dilemmas encountered are unlikely, they are still believable and not far-fetched dealing with the shady characters and activities of different aspects of Chicago, from the upper class to inner city. As these naive kids from the suburbs journey into unknown waters, they stick together...until one wanders off, then the adventure really begins. Arguable to which scene may be the best, I must say it's the bus station scene. With the variety of characters in that place, it's nothing but sheer entertainment. From the guy flashing his gun, to the person who tells Brenda to "Get out of my house" when she's in a phone booth. Brenda caring for a sewer rat when she thinks it's a lost kitten after losing her glasses adds to this classic scene from a classic movie.***1/2
The Reality: Yes, Elizabeth Shue is my fiancee. My future marriage aside, I actually saw someone with the license plate "SOCOOL" and wanted them to pull over so I could tell them "Good work Joe Gipp."

Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The -Plot: You know the plot
--Aside from being required reading in school, they made us watch the movie as well. What more can I say?***
The Reality: Quite an inspiring character for children to look up to.

After Hours -Plot: A guy just looking for love ends up experiencing the unexpected when a night out turns to random dealings with dead women, being deemed a robber, an odd sculptresses, strange waitresses, irate cab drivers, condescending bouncers, and mobs led by ice cream truck drivers trying to take his life.
--A better movie script where stories are interwoven to make it that much more captivating. With the combination of an A+ Scorsese directing and an above average acting done by the majority of quirky characters, this makes for a pretty good flick (plus they threw in Rosanna Arquette to my liking). Stay with this one and you'll have some laughs as well as enjoy following along to see how the plot unfolds. ***1/2
The Reality: The fact that "Balki" makes an appearance in this movie should make you watch it for that reason alone.

After the fox -Plot: A daring heist of hundreds of pounds of gold in Cairo sets the stage for this crime caper-comedy. Mr. Okra, the brains behind the heist, must find a way to smuggle his stolen gold into Italy, even though all ports and airports are being watched closely by the authorities. His best bet is a resourceful criminal known as 'The Fox,' Aldo Vanucci (Peter Sellers) who must pose as a filmmaker to smuggle the gold via the fictitious film "the gold of cairo."
--Peter Sellers gives another outstanding comedic performance in this 1966 film and combined with a humorous concept and a handful of kooky circumstances, this makes for a film worth watching. Though some scenes are a bit drawn out, the comedy is good enough that you will see many ideas from this movie copied in others (ie: Austin Powers when one person is opening their mouth but another is talking, amongst other things).***1/2
The Reality: I was born the same date this movie made its debut.

After the Sunset -Plot: After a successful last score, a master thief retires to an island paradise. His lifelong nemesis, a crafty FBI agent, washes ashore to ensure he's making good on his promise. The pair soon enters into a new game of cat-and-mouse.
--This was a decent movie as far as entertainment value barring the many desperate attempts at jokes and humorous scenes/dialogue. Max being portrayed as a genius when it comes to the biggest crimes in the entire world, it would seem as if he should've been prepared for Stan or anyone to be on to his plans. Being careless enough to just take the diamond in plain sight and "hide" it seems like a foolish thing to do with something valued at millions and millions of dollars. The fact that Max didn't plant a fake diamond was a big let down. How it should have ended: Max sells Stan on the belief that he had been outdone and as Stan boards his plane and expects to become independently wealthy. Max then wishes him the best and begrudgingly instructs him not to spend all the money in one place...seeing how the "Diamond" is valued at around...$20! Max laughs, sips some margaritas and walks off in the sunset, AFTER THE SUN SETS, with Lola.**1/2
The Reality: My ending would've added a few stars to that rating...as well as my directing of the film, producing and acting in it.

Airborne -Plot: Bill McNeil heads a black ops team called "Mach 1" called in to retrieve a cannister of deadly viral agent which was stolen from the government by an arms dealer. The team retrieves the virus but when two members of the team are subsequently murdered, McNeil suspects that the thieves might have inside help.
--I wish there was something good to be said about this movie. Steve Guttenburg plays the tough guy which cannot even be fathomed, let alone believed. That's like Webster playing Deebo or Robocop. It just baffles me that the directors (would direct this movie first off but...) thought it would be a good idea to put the nice guy from 3 men & a baby, short circuit, and police academy in this role. No, really, Tatto would've done a great job as Tony Montana in Scarface.
The Reality: A great movie to watch, if you're blind.

Airheads -Plot: The heavy metal band "The Lone Rangers" can't seem to get any airplay for their music, so what does that leave them to do but takeover a radio station with water pistols so they can play their tape
--A cheesy movie good for those "there's no good shows, movies, infomercials, bars & tone on tv" days. Pretty realistic that squirt guns were believable enough to take over a radio station. The actors did a good job playing annoying characters, which, I guess is a good thing because they played it well enough to, yes, be annoying.1/2 (almost star status)
The Reality: Though thumbs down quality, this movie will still give you a few laughs, and cold sores.

Airplane! -Plot: A spoof of many airport disaster movies during that time, the crew of an airplane are struck by some form of virus and the fate of the passengers depends on an ex-war pilot, now afraid to fly, who is the only one able to land the plane safely.
--Hands down, top 5 funniest movies of all time. The first movie of the Zucker-Abrams-Zucker team (Kentucky fried movie predated airplane but wasn't an actual movie with a story line but sketches and spoofs) and they come out swinging, throwing jokes and literalism at the audience without ceasing. Poking fun at everything that accompanies the airport/airplane experience and exaggerating other scenarios, this is not only a well written humorous script, but the cast is on point with their comedic timing throughout the film. Though Robert Hays does a great job as the main character, Lloyd Bridges steals the show and Leslie Nielson just adds to the film's versatility and humor with his nonchalant sarcasm. If you haven't seen this movie, then you haven't seen a true comedy.****1/2
The Reality: If you don't think this movie is hilarious, then you should probably drive off a cliff. That will not only make this world a better place but maybe since you don't comprehend humor, you'll find that funny.

Airplane 2 The Sequel -Plot: The hero of an unlikely airplane disaster must overcome his own inadequacies, improbable accidents and his former girlfriend in order to save a space shuttle from destruction in this spoof sequel of the disaster parody Airplane!
--Most sequels are not as good as their original counterparts, however, this is no exception. Still funnier than 99% of the movies on this list, definitely worth seeing. Obviously the same type of humor as Airplane! and though it "tries" a little harder, it's still a winner worth seeing multiple times.****
The Reality: See "The Reality" above.

Alexander -Plot: A movie based on the Macedonian ruler and conqueror Alexander the Great.
--Aside from the fact that the movie was 17 hours long, the acting was anything but noteworthy. Angelina Jolie plays the crafty and oh so evil mother of Alexander which is the only character I recall. Not because it's the "sooooo hoooot" Ms. Jolie or that she put on an exceptional performance, but because her collagen encouraging lips remind me of the colorful inflatable slides I used to jump up and down on at carnivals. Carnivals were fun. I like cotton candy. I'll never outgrow eating cotton candy. This movie on the other hand was nothing like eating cotton candy. It was more like eating sharp glass and nails. Except I recall that being much more fun and enjoyable than this film.*
The Reality: From now on, you will all refer to me as the Internet ruler and conqueror, John the Great.

Alfie (original) -Plot: An extremely successful ladies man who never gets emotionally attached, experiences many difficulties where his health is threatened, he has a child who is adopted by another man, gets a married woman pregnant, and when he comes to the conclusion of love and settling down, encounters the biggest difficulty of all.
--A great movie recommended for any guy to watch and though of course it's older (1966), spoken with strong English accent, and narrated at parts (which I think enhances the movie making the audience understand the character even better than the well portrayed character on screen) it's still a must see. Many things can be learned from this movie. With women being commonly referred to as "birds" or "it" the attitude borderlines misogyny and shows how disrespectful and crass guys can be towards birds...I mean women. It also shows how, (which is even worse) though they say it's not what they want, women not only tolerate this attitude/behavior, but encourage it. One of the greats Michael Caine puts on a stellar performance and taught me much about the female species.***1/2
The Reality: Despite learning what I did from this movie, I really do care about women. Someone's got to do the dishes, cook, and clean up after me.

Alfie (Re-make) -Plot: See above
--The only difference between the original Alfie and this one are the usual 'modern day' advances. What that means, I don't know. I thought the casting director did a better job of casting the women for these roles including an A+ for Marisa Tomei.**
The Reality: I would have rather seen a 72 year old Michael Caine play this role again. "Alfie...in a retirement home" would've pleased me much more.

Ali G in Da House -

Alien -Plot: When commercial towing vehicle Nostromo, heading back to Earth, intercepts an SoS signal from a nearby planet, the crew are under obligation to investigate. After a bad landing on the planet, some crew members leave the ship to explore the area. At the same time as they discover a hive colony of some unknown creature, the ship's computer deciphers the message to be a warning, not a call for help. When one of the eggs is disturbed, the crew do not know the danger they are in until it is too late.***
--The film that made Sigourney Weaver's career quite frankly made me squirm. I'm pretty sure the first time I saw this I was probably 4, and seeing how I haven't seen it since (come on, I've been busy watching the other 6 billion movies on this list) there's not much I can say about it.***** (<---The aliens made me do it!!!)
The Reality: I would tell you what aliens have told me throughout my life but then I would have to kill you.

Alien vs. Predator -Plot: Archaeologists discover an Aztec temple hidden under the Antarctic circle and when the go to research it, they realize that aliens are living inside. To make matters worse, predators are in training against the aliens and the humans are stuck in the middle of the battle.
--The movie predator was awesome. Alien was a pretty sick movie too (from what I remember). Combining the 2 is like combining a plaid shirt and polka dotted pants, a stinking disaster. It wasn't too bad until freaking Ashanti (Kyla Pratt - doesn't she look just like singer Ashanti?) befriended the Predator. This things object in life is to be a PREDATOR blow things up and kill everything in site. All of a sudden it not only gets feelings, but understands her ridiculously poor gestures at siding with Team Predator. Just for that she should have taken out the Predator when it let its guard down and sided with the Aliens. That way they could've started a master race and we'd all be better off.*****(<-----THEY MADE ME DO IT!!!)
The Reality: Due to the unrealistic change in personality (or lack thereof) with the Predator, the movie should've been called Alien vs. FRIENDator. I'm not only correct but hilarious.

Almost Famous -Plot: William Miller is a 15 year old kid, hired by Rolling Stone magazine to tour with, and write about Stillwater, an up and coming rock band.
--Another let down (not the movie, but the fact that I fell asleep while watching this movie, so I probably shouldn't even have it on this list) but from what I do remember, it was a movie well done...or maybe that was my dreaming. I don't know. The "Tiny Dancer" scene ruled.***1/2
The Reality: I'm almost famous.

Along came a spider -Plot: The daughter of a Senator is kidnapped from a school by one of the teachers, and the kidnapper calls a police officer whose partner died eight months ago, involving him in the kidnapping. One of the secret service people that failed to protect the girl at the school decides to help him.
--This book turned movie thriller is mediocre at best, that is of course until the ending. It's quite difficult to critique such a film with an average pace, an average mystery/thriller script, decent acting, but an excellent and unexpected twist at the end. With Morgan Freeman (who always seems to come through with an adequate acting job at worst) and the ever so easy on the eyes Monica Potter trying to get to the bottom of the case. An interesting film that is worth the watch for the payoff.***
The Reality: Watch the first 1/2 hour, then the last 10 minutes, then another movie, then another movie, then repeat, then take time to review them all out of boredom on your website.

Alpha Dog -

American Beauty -Plot: A perfect family that exemplifies the American dream shows us that there is a lot more than meets the eye.
--Delving into multiple character's lives, the inner struggles and how they face conflicts, this Oscar winning film illustrates that success and the 'American Way' doesn't always mean happiness. With a disturbing opening shower scene, annoying narration (especially being narrated by a dead man), and some more disturbing scenes, I fail to see the reason for the excess of awards. Granted, this movie does have one of the best scripts and seems to be an eye opener for most people. I must say, it definitely has a great choice for the fitting title and Kevin Spacey was an excellent choice for the role.****
The Reality: The best parts of this movie include the violence and epitomizing how much of a loser Ricky is.

American Cannibal -

American Gangster -

American history X -Plot: After a neo-Nazi comes back from prison for murdering 2 black men, he tries to keep his younger brother following in his footsteps and making the same mistakes.
--This is up there as one of the better movies I've seen. With constant flashbacks, black and white scenes, action, irony, and constant pro-Nazi rhetoric, this film is not only entertaining but has a message and an actual point. It shows how young people especially, are affected and how easily attitudes are swayed with the voice of someone with a hint of knowledge, smooth conning words, and extreme determination. Though some scenes are graphic (due to violence, racism, and very brief nudity) it enhances the reality of the characters and the film. A must see for anyone who likes a good script, good acting, or if you're thinking of watching 98% of the movies that are out there.****1/2
The Reality: In the scene where Derek shoots the car jackers, when the curb and the criminal become one is quite possibly the most chilling, and enjoyable scene. Note the "clink-like" sound that takes place when contact is made. Mmmmmm, good stuff!

American Pie -Plot: Four high school friends believe they have to lose their virginity before college so they all enter a pact to try to be the first one.
--The fact that this movie got made perturbs me. The fact that it did well at the box office perturbs me more. The fact that basically everyone I know saw the movie perturbs me even worse. And the fact that so many people saw this movie and I ended up watching it (just like with '8 mile' - I refused to watch this trash) simply because throughout time unfortunately it was on different peoples televisions while I happened to be there. 1/8 star because since it was an actual movie (or so I've been told) it has to get some rating I guess.
The Reality: I didn't laugh once throughout this utter piece of garbage and rather than watch it would've preferred to be injected with Bochelism.

American Pie 2 -Plot: The producers played on my retarded generation and I'm not so sure this movie even had a plot.
--Yeah, my excuse for wasting 1 1/2 hours of my life on this one, the girl's house I saw this at literally didn't get a single TV station (yeah, not even basic cable stuff) and her brother had rented the movie. With limited options, we both reluctantly watched it.
The Reality: A healthy dose of anthrax would have sufficed to make me feel a lot better as an alternative to watching this one.

American Pie 3 (American Wedding)-Plot: How in the world did I see 3 freakin' movies that I didn't want to???
--I kid you not, I was in Mexico and had gotten poisoned (I guess you're not supposed to drink the water down there - but why tell this gringo, right???) and since I couldn't really move other than painfully getting off the bed to have extreme diarrhea or puke my brains out, I had no choice since that was one of 2 channels in English.
The Reality: I wish I had gotten video footage of my trip to Mexico. Not the fun stuff, but me puking. Then I could've watched that movie and had a much better time than watching any American Pie movie.

American Pimp -Plot: A movie all about my life, this documentary shows the lives of different pimps from all across the country and explores the many different aspects of pimping.
--A very well done documentary (produced by the Hughes brothers - Dead presidents, Menace II society) that is indeed worth watching for those that either don't know about pimps and are intrigued by the lifestyle, or for those that think they are a ladies man making them 'pimps' and actually have no clue what it means. Though pretty much strictly narrated by pimps (which of course is the point) some other perspectives would have added to the film (for example, only a few of the pimps 'ladies' are talked to when probably more of them as well as the customers would've made this a better film). Appearances from the world famous "Pimp Don Magic Juan" (also one of my nicknames) to a rapper most commonly known for referencing and living the lifestyle "Too Short," and many other well known pimps in the game.***
The Reality: The people in this film are not actors and the extent of the majority of pimps vocabulary is hilarious.

American Psycho -Plot: Wall Street worker by day, serial killer by night, this deranged man has no bias to his victims killing everyone from friends, to supermodels to homeless people, and the more he kills, the more he wants to kill.
--For being classified as a horror/thriller, this movie is absolutely hilarious. It is actually believable enough to take place (for the most part) so it's not like your typical cheesy psycho killer murder movie. When watching this with a pal of mine, we both enjoyed this and oddly enough reveled in the adventures of Patrick Bateman (played by the guy I remember from the Newsies, Christian Bale). I can't say I recommend this movie because most audiences couldn't handle it, let alone enjoy it, but I surely did.**1/2
The Reality: I'm sick in the head

Amityville Horror, The (re-make) -A haunted house with demons that instructs the owner of the house to kill everyone in it.
--As difficult as it was seeing Van Wilder play the role of George Lutz, it wasn't too shabby of a performance. Nothing too exciting or standout-ish about this particular film. I wish I could say I got scared, but I was more frightened by the never ending sequence involving Valerie in Amores Perros.**
The Reality: I actually went to this house and listened to the voices. The voices however were not of some demonic creature telling me to kill everyone, but Zack Morris' subliminal message tape telling me I wanted to take him, the "perfect 10" to the dance.

Amores Perros -Plot: Three stories intertwined of different lives in Mexico City all coming together as the result of a car accident.
--Since there are 3 stories, I feel my duty to review each of them separately.
The opening scene and throughout the first story, I give it four stars. Captivating and intriguing from the minute we begin. Octavio (Gael Garcí¡ Bernal, most commonly known for 'Y Tu Mama Tambien') gets involved in the illegal but profitable world of dogfighting by taking his brother's uncared for dog to make money he's never even dreamed of. His plans to take the winnings and run away with his sister-in-law keep the emotion and anticipation high as well as the opposing dog's owner being none too pleased with the outcome of the dogfights adds to the numerous conflicting situations. A great story line and top of the line acting as the characters struggle for their own survival.
The next story that unfolds as the different stories connect was one of the slowest pieces of film I have ever seen. This is when prima donna model Valeria (FRESA!!!) attracts a married man, Daniel, who ends up leaving his wife for her. After she loses her leg in a car accident, Daniel seems to lose interest as well, but due to his infidelity driven personality and not because of the physical flaw Valeria believes is the reason. A good plot, but the story takes 94 hours to unfold, and the fact that Valeria is obsessed with finding her retarded dog that went into an opening in the floor and seems to not want to come back (or is smart enough to not return to the stupid wench known as its owner) to the opening but whimpers for days on end. Valeria ends up losing it and ripping the floor apart to find her mutt. If Daniel had taken one of the boards she ripped up and whacked her in the head with it, that would've made it much more worth it to watch. The movie could've done without this ensemble of worthless scenes, or if it wasn't so prolonged would've been fine.
Thank goodness that "El Chivo" (the Goat) brings us back to something other than a one legged sourpussed model. This ex-revolutionary is in love with dogs, taking strays in and caring for them. You would think by the way he lives and dresses that he has no money, but the money he makes from taking jobs as an assassin is astounding. When he is hired to kill his next victim, he realizes it's his long lost daughter's lover. Dilemma? I think so.
All in all a good film that is best when skipping through the middle story. Outstanding cinematography and realistic stories as the characters are easily empathized with throughout their personal battles and conflicts with others. Other than the emphasized thoughts above, the only other thing that could've made this film better is if I was fluent in Spanish. Pero es todaví¡ muy bueno.****
The Reality: "Ron, Agua, o leche?...RON, AGUA O LECHE???"

Analyze this -Plot: A Psychiatrist must deal with a powerful mob boss, taking him on as a patient.
--I would expect Billy Crystal to take on this role but after reading the script, did Rober DeNiro really choose to do this movie? This film is listed as a 'comedy' but I fail to see any humor in it. There are a few scenes that made me smile...probably, but I really just remember thinking of what I was going to eat after the movie, only to prepare a meal during the movie and eat it before returning to this gem. Apparently I've heard many people do enjoy this film (usually the baby boom generation) but I fail to see enjoyment in this flick. Is the premise even funny? I think the only thing that would've made me laugh during this movie would've been if someone had put a "hit" out on Paul Vitti and had him murdered. Then I would've laughed and sighed relief.*
The Reality: Analyze this analyzation of analyze this.

Anchorman -Plot: Ron Burgundy is the biggest news anchor in San Diego in the 1970's but that's all jeopardized when an aspiring and talented female anchor joins the newscast.
--Working in the San Diego news industry for years and actually working directly with one of San Diego's biggest anchors of the 70's, this movie was probably more enjoyable for myself than the average Joe...or Ron. Will Ferrell (Ron) not only does a superb job playing this overly cocky, sexist broadcaster, but he actually co-wrote this hilarious script. Though granted, it could have been funnier and some things went too far, overall this is one of the funnier movies in recent years. A side note for all ya'll that have watched this movie, even though it's doubtful you've noticed unless you live in San Diego - but in a aerial shot of downtown San Diego, PETCO Park is clearly in view. Petco park was just built in the past few years and this movie takes place in the 1970's. Whoops! Still a very humorous flick despite the flaws and definitely an A+ with some great cameo action.***1/2
The Reality: San Diego has stayed classy, thanks to Ron.

Angels in the outfield -Plot: Roger Bomman wants nothing more than for the LA Angels to win the championship and to live with his father, since his mother has passed away. When he prays for these things and shows up at the LA baseball game, he sees actual angels helping out the...angels baseball team. As the worst team in baseball gets closer to the championship, Roger and his father get closer as well.
--A good movie for the family that emotionally attaches you to Roger after his loss. Do not watch this for the laughs unless you are 8 or younger, and do watch this to shed some tears unless you are in touch with your feelings enough that you cry after movies such as "Weekend at Bernies" and "The little mermaid."**
The Reality: I actually prayed that my baseball team would win the championship. When the "angels" came to our games however and beat up all the players on my team, we realized they weren't angels after all. Actually, I recall them telling us to "get off their turf" and that if we ever came to the baseball field again we'd "be shot." The realization came to us that we had just messed with the wrong gang. We weren't quite as lucky as Roger.

Anger Management -Plot: A misunderstanding on an airplane causes Dave Buznik to attend court ordered Doctor Buddy Rydell's anger management sessions. After another mishap, Dave now must chose between jail or more time with the eccentric doctor which now includes the doctor living with him. Buddy's off the wall methods may be unknowingly just what Dave has needs.
--This movie definitely tries too hard to make jokes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh at many points. Pretty much hit or miss humor. Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson do a good job feeding off each others character's opposing personalities. From the opening plane scene to the easily foreseeable ending, this movie is not too realistic, but will surely pass the time for 1 1/2 hours when needed.***
The Reality: I remember when my psychiatrist convinced me it was imperative that he live with me to deal with my disorders. It didn't seem conventional that he would beat me daily but I just believed it was 'part of the process.' We later found out he was not a doctor after all, but Al Gore.

Animal House -Plot: The epitome of frat house fun takes effect as the dean of the college tries to get them off his campus.
--A classic film with genuinely good humor throughout the film from slapstick, to witty/extreme foolish dialogue, to absolute ridiculous humor, this movie is a winner in the comedy genre. A breakout performance from Saturday night live (and a few smaller films), John Belushi will keep you laughing throughout the 100+ minutes of fun. I learned many things throughout my days of watching this film and enjoyed the party/frathouse life without ever going to college. Thanks Delta!****
The Reality: The movie takes place in 1962 and astro-turf is seen on the football field. In an unrelated note, Astro-turf was not invented until 1965.

Antitrust -Plot: Milo Hoffmann wants to start a computer company with a friend but before they can do so, Milo's idol in the world of technology Gary Winston (Tim Robbins), who turned his company N.U.R.V. (which stands for "Never Underestimate Radical Vision") into one of the richest and most powerful computer firms in the world gives him an invite to join his company. After naively working for Gary and getting closer to him, he realizes that Gary many have ulterior motives.
--This underrated film is one of the better Drama/Thrillers that you'll find on your local video store's shelves. 3 Thumbs up to both Robbins and Pillippe for their characters and onscreen interaction. With a refreshing and unexpected bunch of twists, you'll realize, "I don't know a thing about computers, but that was a pretty darn good movie I just saw!"****
The Reality: Bill Gates offered me a job when he first created Microsoft and offered me a large sum of money considering my vast knowledge of computers. Without hesitation, I declined. I knew better than to listen to that clown and look what happened to us both. Wish ya had me now, huh GATES?!? Sucker!

Any Given Sunday -Plot: An aging football coach finds himself struggling with his personal and professional life while trying to hold his team together, and amidst all of his personal battles, the star quarterback of his team gets knocked out only to have a third string QB replace him. With a new owner taking over being more concerned about the money and power than the players and team, it adds to the drama that encompasses the occurring circumstances.
--If you love football, Al Pacino, Jaime fox, a good movie, or Elizabeth Berkely's breasts (though minimal), then this is a winner. This Oliver Stone directed film is absolutely worth the 2 1/2 hours it takes for the multiple story lines to unfold. Seldom can I say with honesty that a film is worth the 1+ hour, so consider me bold when making a claim for a movie of such length. Lawerence Taylor (being my favorite football player ever) does an excellent job portraying not only a good 'football character' but as getting an actual glimpse into his real life unrelenting party/fast lifestyle. Loving football this was a must see, but I can honestly recommend this film if you have no interest in the greatest sport ever as well. A very strong film with some great actors as well as actors from Saved by the Bell.***1/2
The Reality: As you can clearly see from her box office numbers, Elizabeth Berkely's career has done nothing but improve from her days as Jesse Spano. L.T. however is the greatest ever. Next time I see him and we're going out to party I'll ask, "What do you say we go out there like a bunch of crazed dogs and have some fun?"

Apocalypto -

Apollo 13 -Plot: The true story of what happened to Apollo 13's mission to the moon.
--Knowing the ending of the movie didn't encourage me to participate much in the story line or acting. I guess I could give a thumb's up to Tom Hanks for good acting, but the fact that he took this role saddens me. I would've rather seen a Forrest Gump 2.*************(<----Haha, get it? 13 stars! I'm funny. Seriously though*1/2)
The Reality: Way to capitalize on a tragic event! How about the Oklahoma City bombing movie next? The only way this movie could've improved was if the ending had taken place in the first 5 minutes. Then it would be worth it to watch.

Apt Pupil -Plot: Based on a Stephen King novel, a boy discovers that an old man living on his block is Nazi war criminal and blackmails him to telling him stories of his past in exchange for not going to the authorities about who he really is.
--Unfortunately, I haven't read the book so the movie to me was very entertaining and I enjoyed it. What's unfortunate about that as is with many novel adaptations, is that I hear the movie does not do the book justice. On the other hand, fortunately I haven't read the book, so if you haven't either, then definitely see the movie. The genius of Todd is intriguing as his character delves into the life of the former Nazi, and deviously uses his intelligence for his own gain when a counselor tries to intervene in his life.***1/2
The Reality: Stephen King is a sick puppy...hence making him a great writer.

Are we there yet -Plot: Bachelor Nick, who can't stand kids, wants to be with Suzanne until he realizes she's a divorced mother of two. The kid's feelings of Nick is mutual as they have never liked any of the men their mother dates, holding out hope that their father will come back. When Suzanne is in a bind, Nick offers to bring her kids to the city from Portland, Oregon but gets a lot more than he bargained for.
--If I ever saw more overacting in my life, I would have gouged out my eyes with a spoon. None of the acting is genuine, the scenes are over the top and so few predicaments believable, and it's a first to finally see Nia Long in a movie with Ice Cube...well, at least since 'Friday' and 'Boyz N the Hood.' Though Mr. Cube is no award winning actor in my book, this was definitely not a role for him. Steven Seagall playing Jim Carrey's role in 'the Mask' would be the equivalent. It's just not right. I must admit, this is a cute film for a family with young children or if you need something to put you over the edge if your contemplating eye-gouging.**
The Reality: Someone once gave me "the look" and I slapped them across the face. I was then given the look...of sadness and despair.

Art of war, The -Plot: Neil Shaw is an operative for the United Nations covert dirty-tricks squad, using espionage and quasi-ethical tactics to secure peace and cooperation. After a Chinese ambassador is murdered and Shaw is framed, he must elude the FBI and gangsters to find out what's going on.
--Do not be confused folks, the book "The art of War" and movie are two completely different things. The book is one of the best books I have ever read, and the movie is only so-so in the category of action/thriller. A few little twists make this movie bearable and the fight scenes and plot keep the entertainment value a bit above decent.**1/2
The Reality: READ THE BOOK. Movie optional.

Art School Confedential -

Arthur -Plot: Arthur is a happy drunk with no pretensions at any ambition. He is also the heir to a vast fortune which he is told will only be his if he marries Susan. He does not love Susan, but she will make something of him the family expects. Arthur proposes but then meets a girl with no money who he could easily fall in love with.
--Dudley Moore always puts on a laughable performance and I think this one takes the cake. A hilarious job well done in making this character easily believable, and even easy to empathize with. One of the best dialogue scenes in any comedy takes place when Arthur is drinking in the office of Suzan's father and they interact, even speaking of the drinking Arthur is partaking in. Fortunately Liza Minnelli does not beat Arthur in the movie as she did her husband in real life, but even so, I'm sure Dudley would've turned that into sheer comedy.
The Reality: I'm laughing about this movie just thinking about it.

As good as it gets -Plot: Melvin Udall, a cranky, bigoted, obsessive-compulsive writer, finds his life turned upside down when neighboring artist Simon is hospitalized and his dog is entrusted to Melvin. In addition, Carol, the only waitress who will tolerate him, must leave work to care for her sick son, making it impossible for Melvin to eat breakfast.
--How could this piece of crap script make it in Hollywood? How could Jack Nicholson take this role? Did he not read the script? My respect for him went down about 5 notches after doing this one and I already wanted to shoot Helen Hunt before this film, so this just added fuel to the fire of my contemplating her demise. The Reality: The best acting in the film was clearly done by the dog...when it was urinating...on the script.

Assault on Precinct 13 -Plot: A police sergeant must rally the cops and prisoners together to protect themselves on New Year's Eve, just as corrupt policeman surround the station with the intent of killing all to keep their deception in the ranks.
--A remake of the 1976 film, this is a somewhat different approach to the usual corrupt cop cliched film. A bit unbelievable but still somewhat entertaining. Ethan Hawke gives a less than notable performance and the fact Ja Rule is in this film helped contribute to my yawning. Thank goodness for Maria Bello, the only notable acting performance in the movie, and she's not too hard on the eyes either. The first dialogue between Hawke and Bello is hands down, the best part of the movie.**1/2
The Reality: This film was an assault on my corneas.

ATL - Plot: A coming of age story of 4 high school friends in the dirrrrty south.
--The story wasn't that bad and the pace was pretty good, but the acting was extremely over dramatized.
The Reality: New New should get to know Me Me

Audition -

Austin Powers 1-3 (not loving or hating these 3 films there is no need to elaborate on each one hence, the review including all 3 flicks)-Plot: A 1960's secret agent is brought out of cryofreeze to oppose his greatest enemy into the 1990's where his perception and attitudes are a bit out of place.
--A spoof of the ever so popular James Bond films, these films written by and starring Mike Meyers are pretty funny films, though a bit contrived. Some of the jokes and gags used throughout these 3 films have been seen previously in other films (see 'After the Fox'), however, the original humor can be pretty funny at parts. The idea itself is genuine including Austin being totally immersed in himself and blatantly narcissistic with this James Bond-esque character. Playing multiple characters in all three of these films, Meyers shows us the diversity in characters he can play (especially playing his own nemesis!) and it makes for an entertaining flicks. Though as in most cases, the original is the funniest and the ideas and theme are just stretched, it can be redundant while watching the 2 sequels, but there's a few chuckles for the audience regardless.***1/2
The Reality: The real international man of mystery, ME.

Awake -

Baby Boom - Plot: A successful business woman gets a surprise after learning that she has an inheritance coming from a relative only to find out that it isn't money she's inheriting, but a baby.
--Seeing how I saw this movie when I was 7, I really can't comment much on it except that as a second grader I didn't find this movie funny at all, let alone comprehend anything that was going on outside of the gas I was passing while watching this.*
The Reality: Diane Keaton and Michael Keaton are not related. But on an interesting side note, neither of their last names are actually even Keaton!

Bachelor Party -Plot: With everyone in his fiancee's wealthy lifestyle hating him, the soon to be wed Rick Gasso's friends decide to throw him the ultimate bachelor party, but a whole lot more is involved then what everyone had anticipated.
--Being Tom Hanks breakout role (Splash was previous but not as well known), this is a funny film at parts but is also crass and borderline perverse at others. The slow parts keep you wondering when the film will pick up, and then when it does it does entertain. Not a strong script but could've been a lot better with such a funny premise.**1/2
The Reality: What is a bachelor party?

Back to School (original)-Plot: Millionaire businessman Thornton Melon is upset when his son Jason announces that he is not sure about going to college. Thornton insists that college is the best thing he never had for himself, and to prove his point, he agrees to enroll in school along with his son.
--Not as good as his Caddyshack performance, Rodney Dangerfield still keeps the audience entertained, showcasing his stand-up persona throughout this somewhat absurd comedy. Johnny from the Karate kid does a good job and unfortunately Keith Gordon is anything but outstanding. I laughed more watching him in Christine than in this film. Overall it's good for a few laughs, but not one you can watch more than a few times...unless you enjoy boredom.***
The Reality: Johnny Lawrence in speedos. Great combination.

Back to the Beach -Plot: Heading to California to visit their daughter Sandi, Frankie and Annette are appalled to learn that she has been living with a beach punker Michael. In time-honored fashion, our hero and heroine set about to make the beach safe for fun lovers everywhere by driving out Michael's unsavory pals.
--In their 746th beach movie together, Frankie and Annette continue in their Disney-esque happiness in this "cute" movie. Being their final big screen performance (both together and individually) they go out with a bang completely overdoing it in this quirky beach comedy. Annette does an exceptional job being the naive mother nonchalantly reacting (or completely not reacting) to all that's going on with everything around her. When it comes to her husband however, she gets right down to business in her plot to make him jealous. With Bobby stealing the show and a nice cameo from the Cleavers, this is a good family flick to watch with the kids, especially if you like the Humunga Cowabunga from down Unda!***1/2
The Reality: I often wonder "Why oh why oh why oh, did I ever leave Ohio?"

Back to the future -Plot: Marty McFly, a typical American teenager of the Eighties is accidently sent back to 1955 in a DeLorean "time machine" invented by his older eccentric friend Doctor Emmett Brown. When in 1955 he encounters his parents before they meet each other. Marty must now keep history as it is or he won't been born.
--A great film of the 80's, this is the first big screen appearance by Michael J. Fox. Another 80's classic this is a well done film with a different look on a prosaic film regarding time travel and is filled with humorous and outlandish scenes. The range of characters and how well they are played just adds to this one of a kind movie. The fact that Marty plays on George's obsession with aliens is hilarious and the Doc of 1955 is much more entertaining then the one of 1985. I just wish there was more Claudia Wells, like if she went back in time with Marty. That probably would've hurt the plot but probably the only thing that could've made me like this movie more than I already do. A great flick for the family or if you just want to remember the good ol' days of 55'. I watch it for both. This movie gets a rating of 1.21 Gigawats (or in laymens terms ****)
The Reality: My Flux Capacitor is on back order. I'm getting it put in my ride early next year. Someone will then assuredly question me by saying, "John, we don't have enough road to reach 88mph." My response will simply be "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need, ROADS."

Back to the Future 2 -Plot: This time Marty goes into the future to save his troubled son.
--After going into the future, Biff steals the time machine and goes back in time with a sports book of events that already happened, in the future, and bets on all the games to amass enough wealth that he runs the country. Not nearly as good as the first one, this movie is cool when you get a glimpse into the "future" (as perceived in 1989). Not too shabby.**1/2
The Reality: In the near future I'm going to have enough wealth to run the country.

Back to the Future 3 -Plot: Time travel gets out of hand when Marty is stuck in 1955, needs to go to 1985 so he can get back to 1885 to save Doc.
--Easily the worst of the 3 as we go back to the Wild West but classic 'back to the future' themes and dilemmas.**
The Reality: I've often been called Billy the Kid due to my gunslinging ways.

Baby Boy -Plot: Black people in the "ghetto."
--Was this movie really written and directed by the same guy who wrote and directed Boyz N the Hood and Higher Learning? Although this was a celebration of the 10th year after Boyz N The Hood was produced, they just should have had a party, because this movie paled in comparison to BNTH. Tyrese (an R&B singer who sings love songs) who plays a tough guy with a chip on his shoulder still lives at home with his mother since he hasn't matured to manhood, even though he has a child himself. He struggles with life in da hood and his mother's new ex-convict boyfriend Mel who seems to be taking over the house. Snoop Dogg appears in this as well as Omar Gooding (the younger brother of Cuba Gooding who starred in BNTH) and some other yawners.**
The Reality: Baby boy you stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasieeees, I think about you all the time, I see you in my dreams. OH WAIT, that's Beyonce not the movie.

Bad Boys (Sean Penn) -Plot: Mick, a delinquent held in juvenile detention for the murder of a noted youth gang member awaits a showdown with the dead man's vengeful brother in the deadly prison environment.
--Although this movie deals with tough themes and isn't your average Saturday night with the kids movie, it is without question an excellent film. Sean Penn jumps into this role and plays his character to a tee. This is an impressive adjustment for Penn clearly displaying his diversity coming from his last notable character being Jeff Spicoli in Fast times at Ridgemont High. From the rough streets of Chicago to the rough prison, the scenes flow and the tension builds between Mick and the multiple antagonists. The determination and fearlessness Mick shows throughout this movie is inspiring and the emotion felt towards Mick and his struggles will keep you intrigued till the credits.****
The Reality: I've always feared listening to music through a boom box ever since I saw this film.

Bad Boys (Will & Martin) -Plot: Detectives Mike Lowery and Marcus Brunette have 72 hours to find $100 million worth of heroin before Internal Affairs shuts them down. To convince a witness into helping with a murder in the case, Lowery and Brunette, being opposite personalities, have to pretend to be each other.
--With the humor being seemingly forced, this action/comedy isn't anything more than your average entertaining movie could be. With most of the film being longer than needed, and many of the scenes being unrealistic, this isn't a highly acclaimed film but not so bad that I have to use the script as toilet paper. Bad choice for a title since the original "Bad Boys" movie was awesome. On one of a select positive notes, Will Smith and Martin Lawrence have good on camera chemistry together and play their parts well.***
The Reality: They actually produced a sequel.

Bad Boys II -Plot: The adventures of Mike and Marcus continue.
--Okay, out of all the Bad Boys movies, this one was easily the worst. Nothing is different in this sequel with the exception of less humor and less originality than the first film.
The Reality: Bad Boys or just Bad Movie?

Bad Lieutenant -Plot: While investigating a young nun's rape, a corrupt cop examines his own lifestyle which includes everything from his gambling addictions to his abuse of power.
--Originally rated NC-17 due to the graphic nature and subject matter, this is still a great film directed by Abel Ferrara (King of New York). If you can swallow the harsh realities this movie deals with, it is highly recommended that you watch it. A compelling story line that brings the audience in deep enough to understand the emotional burdens that drives him to his own downfalls.****
The Reality: I repeat my sentiments from above. If you think you can handle the content, a must see.

Bad News Bears, The (original) -Plot: An ex-minor league baseball player coaches a team of little league misfits in an effort to win the championship.
--Watching this when I was a little leaguer mself probably enhanced my appreciation of this film. I haven't seen it since but remember laughing a lot (as a 7 year old) and just enjoyed watching it as a whole. Since my opinions haven't changed since I was 7, I guess I would have to recommend this...especially for kids in little league. Unfortunately this movie was recently re-made (starring Billy Bob Thorton nonetheless) and I'll probably watch it when I'm paid to do so.***
The Reality: Going directly from Rookie league to the majors (where I played baseball the setup was you start in Rookie league, then go to Farm league, and then once you are good enough, you go up to the majors) I was quite the baseball playing phenom. I'd probably still be playing if it wasn't for POISON JOHNNY(link to story coming soon).

Barfly -Plot: Henry Chinaski is a professional alcoholic that also writes poetry. Throughout his countless bar outings he meets Wanda who also seems to take the same liking to alcohol. When Tully Sorenson meets Henry, he takes an interest in his poetry and gets Henry published. Henry has it better than he knows it and continues his downward spiral with alcohol being his first love.
--Hollywood was a much better book than this movie (but when isn't it?) If you want to see a "feel good comedy movie," you might want to pass on this one. In typical Bukowski fashion, this film is well written but takes you to the negative aspect of so many peoples struggles. Though funny at parts (and this is a comedy) the storyline poses the question of if success really does bring happiness. Mickey Rourke gives a thumbs-up performance and can be applauded for carrying Wanda's (Fay Dunaway) character.**1/2
The Reality: The last time I went to a bar I was inspired to write this POEM.

Barber Shop -Plot: Calvin inherits his father's barber shop after his father passes away. He wants to sell the business to make some quick cash but then realizes his father's hopes and dreams that were put into the business and decides take over and keep the legacy his father started alive.
--This is more of a "hangin' with the homies" video with a little plot thrown in. With the dialogue between the characters being mostly joking and ranking on each other, the storyline and struggle is so obviosuly thrown at the audience that the dialogue hardly contributes to the actual plot but is there for sheer entertainment. Granted it is still somewhat entertaining and funny at times discussing everything from current events to the typical snaps on each other.**1/2
The Reality: After haircuts as a young buck, the barber would always give us a piece of Bazooka Joe gum.

Barber Shop 2 -Plot: The life in the barber shop continues except now a competitor moves in and tries to take away from Calvin's business.
--Synonymous with "Barber Shop" review.**
The Reality: I've been cutting my own hair since the late 1990's.

Barefoot Executive, The -Plot: Steven Post is the low man on the totem pole at a TV network working in the mailroom. When he notices that his girlfriend's pet chimp enjoys programs that are successful in ratings. Steven uses this knowledge to his advantage as he works his way up to the programming department for the network.
--This movie is nothing but sheer monkey business. HA! With a star studded cast (Kurt Russel, Joe Flynn, Harry Morgan, Wally Cox, John Ritter, etc.) this movie is a good flick to watch with the family with clean humor and a genuine innocence to it. What that means, I'm not quite sure but seems an adequate description for the movie. Definitely an oldy but goody***
The Reality: Television would be 100% better if monkeys chose the programming. Ever since Saved by the Bell went off air, TV has gone down the tubes. Hire Monkeys.

Batman (original)-Plot: After a young boy witnesses the murder of his parents on the streets of Gotham City, he grows up to become the superhero "Batman."
--Nothing like the original batman TV series and though not quite as fun as the comic book, this movie is set in the very distinctive dark and gloomy Gothem City which is the only good thing about the movie, the exception being the "Joker" performance by Jack Nicholson. Blah Blah Blah. Not impressive but then again Kim Basinger did make me want to become Batman.**
The Reality: A Bat Man? What is that? That is the worst superhero I have ever of. It should be LIONMAN or KILLERSHARKMAN. You can kill a bat with a pebble. Batman, pfff.

Batman Begins -
--Though praised as many as "THE BEST BATMAN MOVIE EVER," there's not much competition. It probably takes my vote as the better of the 2 batman movies of which I've seen, but is no match for Catwoman (link). Michael Keaton plays a much better Batman though this film is much more action packed and seems more storyline/sublot detailed. Entertaining nonetheless.***
The Reality: At the very end when Jim Gordon says "I never said thank you" Bruce should've replied with "I'M BATMAN" and flown away.

Batteries Not included -Plot: Lifelong tenants of an apartment building are being forced to leave so their building can be demolished by greedy developers. Aliens come to the rescue in the form of small flying saucers to save the tenants.
--There's probably a much better description for the plot because that sounds pretty cheesy, but then again that's all I remember about this "cute" but very peculiar film. Not too popular of a movie, however good entertainment for an 8 year old...at least it was for me.**1/2
The Reality: I run off batteries...THAT AREN'T INCLUDED!

Baseketball -Plot: Two outcast friends invent a new game that incorporates Basketball and Baseball. When it becomes a professional sport, greed and envy come into play that puts the two to the test in many ways.
--Probably the only movie I cannot recommend written by the hilarious David Zucker. Seeing very little humor in Trey Parker and Matt Stone this flick was anything but entertaining. Quite possibly I cracked a smile but that was probably when I saw the credits rolling. So much potential with a new idea and a genius writer for the screenplay, but somehow things just didn't work out for this one.*1/2
The Reality: I once tried incorporating 2 sports and it was a short success. "Bowlennis". Unfortunately the bowling balls always ruined the rackets so my hopes and dreams were just like the rackets. Quickly shattered.

Basketball Diaries -Plot: An adaptation of Jim Carrol's novel about an aspiring high school basketball star that slowly gets caught up in the life of drugs and crime which only escalates as time goes on.
--Dealing with anything but light subject matter, this painfully truthful movie takes us into the world of a "good kid with a future" gone bad. It deals with the harsh reality of how easily and quickly drugs can destroy a family, friendship, and life. Not a big fan of Leo, he does a very good job playing this part.***
The Reality: DiCaprio does a very good job playing this part, sometimes a little too good in certain scenes if you know what I mean. Yes, homosexual.

Batoru Rowaiaru -

Be Cool -Plot: In the sequel to Get Shorty, movie producer Chili Palmer decideds to get into the music business. He finds a talented young singer named Linda Moon (Christina Milian) and takes her from singing in clubs with a shady manager to singing with Aerosmith. A few weak subplot stories with gangsters and the Russian Mob trying to get a piece of Chili's action.
--I never saw Get Shorty because I had no desire to do so and didn't realize till halfway through the movie that it was the sequel. I wish I had known this earlier. Very unimpressive and am baffled that this is listed in the "Comedy" genre. I was thinking more along the lines of "Movie makes you want to kill yourself" genre.*
The Reality: Steven Tyler plays himself in this film and the best quote is when fearing he's wanted to act in a movie, refuses, emphatically stating "I'm not one of those singers who appears in movies." Ohhh the irony!

Beautiful Girls -Plot: Beautiful Girls is about a group of small-town friends joining up for their first high school reunion. They find themselves evaluating their lives and their relationships, growing up and facing reality.
--Very similar to Garden State (though this film preceds it by 8 years - and interestingly enough Portman is in both) this far from successful box office flick is one of the better ones of the year. Marty (Natalie Portman) plays an outstanding role as the witty 13 year old who's banter and rhetoric exceeds that of 30 something Willie Conway (Timothy Hutton). The ongoing attraction and flirting with what's clearly not feasible is enjoyable for both without being seen in a disturbing manner despite the age difference. As Marty says when asked about her age "I'm thirteen, but I have an old soul." Within the subplots the struggles incorporate each character individually, and while some are intertwined, all are intriguing and create a solid story. From the script, to the dialogue, to the sheer nostalgia of this relatable film, few complaints can arise from this movie. Though it may be slow for the majority of ADD "you need to have explosions or mindless American Pie humor every 2 seconds" audiences, this is an excellent film with a nice little star-studded cast.****
The Reality: We're all beautiful girls on the inside.

Bedazzled -Plot: A technical nerd is visited by the devil and granted 7 wishes in exchange for his soul. The devil is the girl of his dreams and she puts a twist on every wish he has.
--There is only one thing that could've improved the movie and that would've been to have anyone who watched it to get sprayed in the eyes with mase from the screen. Then, my eyes would've felt a lot better after the film than actually watching the video onscreen.*
The Reality: If I had seven wishes they would be as follows 1. That Bedazzled never got made 2. That Bedazzled never got made 3. That Bedazzled never got made 4. That Bedazzled never got made 5. That Bedazzled never got made 6. That I could have gills and lungs 7. That Bedazzled never got made

Beerfest -

Beethoven -Plot: A family gets a puppy and it grows into a huge St. Bernard. Despite the usual doggy mishaps, the family learns to love the dog. When finding out a Vet wants to experiment on the dog, they must come to his rescue.
--A family movie that I didn't enjoy with my family, let alone a girl from my classes' family when we all watched it at her house after a field trip. All I remember is that I wanted to go home. Thank goodness my family never watched that movie.*
The Reality: I recall actually wanting the doctor to experiment on the dog and cause it to die. I had many issues as a kid.

Beetlejuice -Plot: After dying in a car accident Barbara and Adam go back to their house only to realize they are ghosts. They find out they are trapped in their house and are determined to keep potential buyers away by scaring them.
--More of a cult comedy, this film is definitely filled with all sorts of odd humor, references and jokes. With a breakout performance by Winona Ryder ("I myself am... strange and unusual." classic), this film clearly lies on Michael Keaton's off the wall character, Beetlejuice. With nonstop humorous dialogue and a constant careless attitude toward all the dead and ghosts, this movie definitely will not disappoint in the comedy department. To sum it up yet again I would have to call it a cult comedy, be it fitting or not.***1/2
The Reality: I feel like I died and am constantly writing nonstop movie reviews. Oh, and if you have anything to say about it, Go ahead... make my millennium!

Being John Malkovich -Plot: A puppeteer discovers a hidden doorway in his office that leads into the mind of John Malkovitch. Upon entering the portal, one gets to be inside Malkovitch's mind for 15 minutes.
--This film is up there as one of the oddest movies one can watch. I'm pretty sure unless you are John Malkovich you won't enjoy this film but will realize many things about life. Like how you want to end yours.*1/2
The Reality: Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich.

Belly -Plot: Friends Tommy Brown and Sincere make their money by dealing drugs and pulling armed robberies. They move up from the 'hood' to upscale Manhattan but their past catches up with them.
--The title for the movie is a little off. It should've been titled "Bunch O' Rappers and the chick from a Bronx Tale." Belly however exemplifies the typical movie of life in the hood. With average acting (what do you expect from rappers?) a horrible ending (nice setup for a letdown) and nothing out of the ordinary, this makes for one of the most average 'hood' movies I've seen. Though a lesson is trying to be taught, it is only trying, and hard at that.**
The Reality: The best part of the movie...the soundtrack.

Benchwarmers -

Benny and Joon -Plot: A mentally ill young woman finds her love in an eccentric man who models himself after Buster Keaton.
--Johnny Depp and his playing eccentric characters is epitomized in this movie early on in his film career. Though the film is quite vague in my memory (I clearly remember thinking "What the freak is going on?") it did leave quite an impression.**
The Reality: There is no better scene in a movie than the one in the middle of traffic with a dive mask and snorkel.

Best of the Best, The -Plot: Team USA gets rid of personal ghosts while fighting Team Korea in Taekwondo championship.
--There are only a few movies that exemplify teamwork and overcoming adversity and animosity such as this. Some cheesy dialogue and predicaments subtracts from the "I got your back" theme and destroying another country in their own tournament (Taekwondo). Great flick for the kids and anything that shows the USA dominating any other lesser country in anything is pretty sweet. GO OUR DOMINANT COUNTRY!***1/2The Reality: Simply put, I'm the best of the best.

Better off Dead -Lane Meyer, who loves his girlfriend more than anything, is let down in anyway but easy when she breaks up with him to "date someone more popular." That more popular person now becomes Lane's nemesis that he must defeat on the ski slopes.
--This erratic 80's flick is filled with laughs and ridiculous situations that will keep you entertained throughout the course of this film. From the paperboy (who I emulated in my paper route days), to his family, to the classic character of Ricky (who I emulated in my 'get the ladies' days), this movie is nothing short of quality humor the whole family can enjoy. A superb acting job by all with a nice little story.****
The Reality: I want my two dollars! Conveniently, you can actually send them to me here. Send my money NOW!

Beverly Hills Cop 1-7 -Plot: A cop from Detroit travels to California to investigate and track down the killer of a friend who was murdered in front of him. He joins two Beverly Hills detectives who are assigned to "keep a watch on him," as his unconventional methods approaching this care are anything but acceptable to the police chief.
--A perfect follow up to Trading Places (though "Best defense" was between the 2, being a lot less popular however) that clearly solidified Eddie Murphy as a great comedic actor. When you combine his timing, interaction with his supporting actors, and working with a strong story, Murphy excels at what could have been a mediocre character and turns Axel Foley and the entire movie it into a classic comedy. With the two detectives complementing Foley (Judge Reinhold, John Ashton) all in all this is definitely a recommended flick(s) for all who enjoy comedies, and spumoni.***1/2
The Reality: The first time my pure eyes were violated with nudity was the strip club scene in Beverly Hills cop 2. No, my parents didn't allow me to watch the movie when I was 7, the movie was on the same video tape as Adventures in Babysitting. Good times.

Beverly Hills Ninja -Plot: A baby is rescued by a clan of Ninja warriors after a ship wreck. He is then raised by them though he isn't quite the "ninja" type being overweight and not fitting it. He keeps with his morals and upbringing as he struggles to fit in to the real world as well.
--Chris Farley, Chris Farley, Chris Farley. Though this movie pales in comparison to his other films (usually having better/funnier/somewhat known, supporting actors) he puts on his usual comical performance which is obviously much more physical dealing with his ninja ways. This clearly would not have been produced if Farley wasn't in it and shocks me that the script was bought in the first place. Though the premise seemingly had potential, not many could have pulled this off better than Farley.**
The Reality: All the ninjitsu I've learned was from this movie.

Big -Plot: A kid wishes upon a "Zoltar" machine at a local carnival that he was BIG. When the card comes out saying his wish is granted, he then realizes the machine is unplugged. He thinks nothing much of this until he wakes up the next day as a grown man.
--I'm pretty sure every kid has wished they were big at one point in their childhood except for me. I was born 6'1 185 lbs. and haven't grown since birth. This is an enjoyable movie that shows the obvious struggles related with the reality of becoming an adult overnight. Though it was not an issue for Josh, I'm still applying to get a job as a toy tester and play chopsticks in the mall on a life size piano. Oh how I anxiously wait.***1/2 The Reality: I made the mistake of confusing Zoltar with Zeus for a school presentation and clearly remember telling the class how the Greek god made me "big" when I wished upon him at a carnival. After the confusion and the teacher questioning what in the world I was talking about, I realized my mistake but encouraged the viewing of the movie Big. How embarrassing.

Big Daddy -Plot: Sonny Koufax is the epitome of laziness. He lives off a settlement that he won and has no ambitions in life. His longtime girlfriend is fed up with his attitude and leaves him. This in turn causes him to adopt a 5 year old boy to show his girlfriend that he is a responsible adult.
--A feel good family movie that is funny at parts with an overall "good" storyline.**1/2
The Reality: I've been called Big Daddy many times in my day.

Big fish -
--If there is ever a storytelling movie to recommend, this wouldn't be it. Just kidding, it surely would be. Though it's slow and people with ADD would lose it within the first few minutes, and the rest of the movie wouldn't help any. I'll admit there were times throughout the film that I wanted to gouge out my eyes, but overall it was definitely a film worth watching if you enjoy the storylines (and stories WITHIN stories!) because the explosions and shootouts aren't that spectacular.***1/2
The Reality: This movie is honestly a tear jerker at the end. For most, it is because the ending is very emotional. For me it was because during the final scene the girl I was with passed gas.

Big Lebowski, The -
--Mistaken identity as "The dude" who's character seems to be a cross between Homer Simpson and Al Bundy is thought to be a millionaire but is nothing more than your average degenerate. This film contains a few laughs though some would disagree claiming it to be "the funniest movie ever" but is far from it. Writers Joel and Ethan Coen are quite hit or miss when it comes to humor and quality screenplays (Raising Arizona link Millers crossing link great movies/Fargo link O Brother where art thou link good stories but both horrible movies) and this is definitely not all I heard it was before viewing the movie. The excessive and unnecessary swearing does not help, but the exaggerated eccentricity of the easily and understandable frustration of the Dude certainly adds to the humor. Granted, I did laugh while watching this film, but I recall laughing more while watching Big Fish.**1/2
The Reality: Fargo gave me suicidal thoughts. Miller's Crossing is what a great movie is all about.

Big Top Pee Wee -
--This is the cult classic sequel to Pee Wee's Big Adventure (link) and in classic Pee Wee fashion, he somehow seems to get himself into odd predicaments yet again. This time around, our friend Mr. Herman joins the circus. With everything from the egg salad sandwich getting "tossed" to a stuttering Pee-Wee trying to say "I love you" to a nice cameo from Screech, this movie lacks nothing, except maybe a point. Either way, another classic 80's flick that yours truly grew up on. Regardless of if you like Pee Wee or not, you should see this movie for 80's nostalgia if nothing else. I give this movie 3 cocktail weenies.
The Reality: Though I'm all grown up now (well, technically speaking), I would still rather see this movie than the Big Lebowski.

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey -
--This one of the more highly anticipated sequels I ever wanted to see, only to be extremely let down after actually seeing it. This tale takes Bill and Ted on a way darker side of time travel and we actually see them deal with death and go into Hell. That was a wonderful thing to see at the tender age of 11. All I wanted was to see more Genghis Khan tearing up a mall and what I got was Hell. Where this movie belongs.*
The Reality: Alex Winter's (Bill S. Preston) career absolutely took off after this movie. As you know, he is one of the bigger stars in Hollywood all thanks to this movie.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure -
--Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is one of many movies that has been viewed over 50 times...by me alone. What bad can I say about this movie? My pseudonym is John S. Preson Esquire, every summer I go to waterloo, and whenever I used to get in trouble, before I would get beaten I would say "The trash can. Remember the Trash can" and would always seem to escape. This fun movie not only humors us with some stereotypical California dudes, but also educates us on history. Oh yeah, and if you ever try to eat the last bite of my Ziggy Piggy ice cream, I'll challenge you to a duel with my spoon and say "NO!" Dust. Wind. Dude.***1/2
The Reality: There is no soundtrack I have listened to more than the one to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Iiiiiiin Tiiiiime, we'll be dancing in the streets all night, all night, all night!

Bill's gun shop: Plot - A gunshop worker ends up getting a gun after working at a gunshop and goes on a bounty-hunt with a co-worker.
--This is the writing and directorial debut by Dean Hyers, which is clearly apparent in this film. The movie gives the feel more of a B movie combined with a documentary than anything else, but you can still see hints of potential throughout the film. Not much can be said about this as it was clearly low budget - apparent by both the actors and ambience as a whole. Slow paced, but yet again, potential for Hyers in the future.*
The reality: The transformation of Dillion was a little predictable, but awesome nonetheless.

Billy Madison -
Biodome -
Bird on a Wire -
Blade -
Blade Trinity -
Black and White (The one that has to do with Black and White people, not some police flick) -
Black Sheep -
Blair Witch Project -
Blank Check -
Blankman -
Blazing Saddles -
Bloodsport -
Blow -
Blues Brothers -
Bluestreak -
Bodyguard, The -
Boiler Room, The -
Bone Collector, The -
Boogeyman -
Boogie Nights -
Boomerang -
Boondock Saints -
Boost, The -

Borat - Plot: A "documentary" filmed by a Kazakhstani TV reporter about his travels/adventures to the never before visited United States.
--Though I'll admit, this movie had some hilarious parts, all in all the schtick got old quick. For those that don't know, "Borat" (Sacha Baron Cohen)
was a character on "Da Ali G" show and I enjoyed his character on the show, as well as "Ali G" himself. When you make a movie based on a character from a show,
it's hard to keep the schtick going without getting boring (with the exception of when Jimbo films a documentary in Kazakhstan). The pace was slow, the "reality" was too
far fetched (seeing how some of the people in the film are unkown actors/comedians, which kind of killed the mindset of "this is really happening) and though there are some
funny parts, all in all I would've rather watched 2 hours worth of Da Ali G show. **
The Reality: My favorite part was when he got in a fight with his manager. What?

Bottle Rocket -
Bourne Identity -
Bourne Supremacy -
Bowfinger -
Bowling for columbine -
Boy in the plastic bubble -
Boy who could fly, The -
Boyz N The hood -
Brain Donors -

Braveheart - Plot - After his father and brother are killed for trying to free Scotland, William Wallace grows up to lead a revolt against the King of England.
--This movie epitomizes the good guy underdog vs. the bad guy ruler, yet is so captivating that any preconceived notion of the outcome clearly doesn't matter as the story is so enthralling. From beginning to end, this 3 hour movie is so captivating that even after 3 hours it leaves the viewers wanting more, wishing Wallace could've lived another day. Being only the second movie Gibson directed, he clearly transcends films of that year and even that genre. Years later we see the impact this undeniable influence had (Gladiator, Troy, Alexander, Shrek) and realize from the screenplay, to acting, to theme, the feel of this movie as a whole, that this movie is superb in every aspect.****
The Reality: I traced my family line back and Willaim Wallace was one of my ancestors.

Breakfast Club -
Breakin' all the rules -
Breaking Away -
Breaks, The -

Breakup, The - Plot: A typical 'good' relationship gone sour where the two involved don't want to leave the condo they share. A mental battle ensues to change the other's attitude with an unexpected ending when it's time for them to sell their shared condo.
--This movie was pretty funny at parts, though the oh so intellectual audience seemed to think this was the funniest film ever. Now you know why I don't go to the movies...or like people. I was not only speechless, but completely straightfaced as the audience found the most trite flamboyancy of the characters humorous. I guess that's why people find Will and Grace funny, and why our society is degenerating. Sorry for the tangent. Vince Vaughn plays this character to a tee and does an excellent job. Jon Favreau takes the cake and steals the show in his scenes which are kept to a minimum. From the opening scene to his final scene, which was probably the funniest part of the movie, he exemplifies his character. Scene in the bar with him at the end, hilarious. Probably because I've been in that situation before, but that's neither here nor there.***1/2
The Reality: Tie for 2 of the best quotes I've heard in a movie in years:
When Brooke is talking about her sister "going through a lot." Gary's response sums how ridiculous women are who debauch themselves instead of solving their problems. Genius (plus surprisingly the hardest the crowd laughed throughout the movie)
When Gary and his brother are at the club and he references getting arrested. "What am I gonna get arrested for, being awesome?"
The setting and responses in both situations are priceless.

Brewster's Millions -
Bringing down the house -
Bring it on -
Bronx Tale, A -
Bubble Boy -
Bug -
Bulletproof -
Butterfly effect, The -

Cabin Boy -
Caddyshack -
Camp -
Camp Nowhere -
Can't buy me love -
Can't hardly wait -
Captain Ron -
Career opportunities -
Carlito's Way -
Carrie -
Casino -
Catwoman -
Catch me if you can -
CB4 -
Cell, The -
Cellular -
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -
Chasing Liberty -
Cheaper by the dozen -
Cheech & Chong's -
Child's Play -
Children of Men -
Christmas Story, A -
Christine -
Christmas with the Kranks -
Chronicles of Narnia, The -
Cinderella Man -
Circus -
Cincinnati Kid, The -
City of God -
City Slickers -
Clerks -
Click -
Clifford -
Clockwork Orange, A -
Closer -
Cloverfield -
Cocaine Cowboys -
Cocktail -
Cold Mountain -
Color of Money, The -
Comedian -
Come Blow your horn -
Coming to America -
Conan's -
Coneheads -
Confessionas of an American Girl -
Confidence -
Constantine -
Cool Hand Luke -
Cooler, The -
Cooley High -
Copland -
Colors -
Cool Runnings -
Crash -
Crimson Tide -
Crocodile dundee -
Croupier -
Crow, The -
Crucible, The -
Cruel Intentions -

Daddy Daycare -
Dangerous Minds -

Dark Water - Plot - A single mother recently separated from her husband takes her daughter out of the city and on a budget to start a new life. The apartment she chooses seems to have bigger issues than just water leaking through the ceiling.
--Orignally "Honogurai mizu no soko kara" the film's ambience is completely dark with but a moment of sunshine throughout the whole movie. Though in the "Thriller" genre, I find it hard to actually classify it as such, coming to believe the Care Bears movie was much more thrilling than this. I'd have to say Mr. Murray (John C. Reilly) takes the cake in this one as one of the most annoying, yet well acted, characters of the film. A character you love to hate and very relatable if you've ever dealt with shady landlords. "Requiem for a dream" was clearly Connelly's best work, as in this flick, her best acting came when she was passed out for days at a time. She hears a noise and JUMPS! Then she hears another noise and JUMPS! She turns ont the water and JUMPS! She blinks and JUMPS! She jumps, which causes her to JUMP! The best part about the movie was after the climax when the movie was ending...AND THEN YOU REALIZED IT WASN'T THE END! Only downside was that it was just another buildup to let you down again. So much potential.**
The Reality: Where do I get her pills?

D.A.R.Y.L -

Date Movie - A paroday of many recent and older "date" movies/romantic comedies.
--Top 5 worst movies I've seen. Though the ideas were somewhat funny, the acting and dialogue was extremely forced. The characters were trying way too hard to get a laugh which in turn just caused me to get a rash. I have to say, the "Say Anything" parody and "Bachelor elimination" parody were hilarious and to say I wasn't in tears over the Napoleon Dynamite parody would clearly be a lie. Those 3 gems, however, didn't make up for the 80 other minutes I felt like stabbing myself.*(<---only because of the 3 funny parts)
The Reality: If this film even made it to theaters, my movie is going to set box office records.

Dave Chappelle's Block Party - Plot - A block party hosted by Mr. Chappelle himself.
--Performances by numerous musical artists and groups as they have a, yup, block party in Brooklyn. Some funny lines as expected by Dave as he goes around the city (and other cities) promoting the party. You'd think this whole movie/video/documentary would've been put together a little better or be more entertaining as this was produced at the height of his popularity, but no. It wasn't.**
The Reality: My block parties are much more fun.

Dawg -
Days of thunder -
Dazed and confused -
DC Cab -
Dead Man on Campus -
Dead Poets society -
Deal, The -
Deep Blue Sea -
Deep Cover -
Deep impact -

Deja Vu -
Departed, The -
Derailed -
Descent -
Desperado -
Deuce Bigalow -
Devils Advocate, The -
Diary of a sex addict -
Dick Tracy -
Dickie Roberts -
Die Hard 1-4 -
Dillinger -
Dirty Dancing -
Dirty Dozen -
Dirty Love -
Dirty Work -
Disorderlies -
Distinguished Gentleman, The -
Disturbia -
Do the right thing -
Dodgeball -
Donnie Brasco -
Don't be a menace to south central while drinking your juice in the hood-
Dot the I -
Double Team -
Down to earth -
Dragon -
Dream team, The -
Drop Dead Fred -
Drop Zone -
Drugstore Cowboy - Plot: A superstitious drug addict gets his wife and friends involved in the scam to rob drug stores to get money and more importantly, to get high.
--Based on a true story, this film brings the viewer to the mindset and fast lifestyle of a drug addict. Unlike most drug movies, this focuses more on the mindset and metamorphasis of a drug user than what the actual drug does or the in-depth violence of a typical movie of it's genre. Matt Dillion (Bob) is excellent and even before the 'turning-point' I believe we already empathize with his character as well as a young Heather Graham who puts on a noteable performance in one of her first few films. Once again, this is based on a true story, which happens to be an intriguing one that brings us into the mindset of 4 addicts trying to score their next fix.***1/2
The Reality: This movie is in the running with the Ring 2 for most times the main character's name is used. A typical sentence in the movie "Bob, why do we have to do that Bob." "Because I said so!" "But, Bob-" "Look, we're doing it that way and that's final." "Bob, I just don't think, you know, Bob." "I don't care what you think!" "Bob, I, Bob, you're Bob and Bob Bob with Bob and the Bob is Bob if you do Bob. You know Bob? Bob."

Dude Where's my car -
Dukes of Hazzard, The -
Dumb and Dumber -

East of Eden -
Eddie -
Edge, The -
Edward Scissorhands -
Elizabethtown -
Encino Man -
Enter the Dragon -
Entrapment -
Epic Movie -
Escape from Alcatraz -
Eragon -
Eraser -
Ernest Goes to Camp -
Ernest Goes to Jail -
Ernest Saves Christmas -
ET -
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind -
Eurotrip -
Exit Wounds -
Exorcist -

Face off -
Facing the Giants -
Faculty, The -
Fahrenheit 9/11 -
Fahrenhype 9/11 -
Failure to Launch -
Fallen -
Falling Down -

Family Stone, The: Plot - A guy brings home his fiancee for Christmas. She's an outcast compared to the eccentric family. Boredom ensues.
--I'm not sure what movie was slower paced than this one, but I'm sure there may be one or two out there. Maybe not. When the movie finally picked up (the last 10 minutes) it was okay, but definitely not worth the wait. With the family made up of a wide range of personalities, I think the one I relate to the most is the short deaf gay guy who dates interracially. Yeah. Okay. Lack of creativity, excitement, or anything of interest made for a less than average film.*
The Reality: As soon as Julie (Claire Danes) hit the screen, all I could think of was "My so called life." Even that ridiculously bad show was more exciting than this movie.

Fan, The -
Fargo -
Fast and Furious, The -
Fast Times at Ridgemont high -
Father of the Bride -
Fear -
Fear and loathing in Las Vegas -
Fear o