The NY Giants come to San Diego: Mexico Bill strikes again

For those non-sports fans, San Diego as a whole does not like the New York Giants, or more so, San Diegans don't like the Giants quarterback, Eli Manning. If you missed it, the Chargers picked Manning in the NFL draft, and instead of gladly accepting his contract with a professional football team he said he didn't want to play for the Chargers since they were such a bad team. Yeah, I don't think he won too many fans in the city that day.

Since I was working earlier that afternoon, I arrived at the tail-gaiting rendezvous after my friends. I meet up with them and quickly realize at 3pm, Mexico Bill is already tanked. My other buddy and accompanying friends aren't too far behind in the alcohol consuming. We're just fooling around, the usual talking smack to Charger fans (though I'm a big Chargers fan, being from back East the Giants have been my favorite team since exiting my mother's womb) and just having a blast. The highlight was when a girl came around (she was wearing a "Go home Eli" T-shirt) and wanted to join in the football catch. "Sure," I say, "Go long and I'll pass it to you." I make her run as far as she will go and then smack her with reality - "Are you kidding me? I'm not passing it to you with THAT shirt on!" We all laugh at her and continue on frolicking.

Since I already had tickets and Mexico Bill had also gotten a pair, we decide to sell the extra tickets. We start walking around being the best scalpers we can be. I tell my friends to "Watch Bill because he'll just wander off and we'll never see him again." We go around for a while and I see some people at a radio station promo booth I used to work for and stop by to say a quick hello. After a few minutes of chatting it up with my radio station peeps, I turn around to see if Bill's staying out of trouble, but there's nothing to worry about because Bill is not in trouble at all. Bill is gone.

Oh, my friends are still there, but Bill is nowhere in sight.

Me: I told you guys to watch Mexico Bill! You think we're gonna find him in the middle of 80,000 people? He's gone. You guys just lost Bill.
Friends: Dude, what's wrong with you, we'll find him no problem just call-
Me: No, you don't understand. Bill's gone.
Friends: He's gotta be around somewhere...
Me: Good luck us.

I'm calling M. Bill on my phone and after about 15 calls he finally picks up. He tries telling me where he is but I can barely understand his gibberish. He tells me he's something something "guardrail" something something.

Me: Hey, great job guys. Bill's by the road somewhere and will probably get hit before we get there. You guys better hope he doesn't get killed.

We go towards the street and since we're decked out in NY Giants garb, people are talking crap to us the whole time and of course we're throwing it right back. This is normal behavior and expected. That's when we passed this one group of guys that are extremely rowdy. They're within feet of us and waving the Charger flag and even to the point of screaming at the top of their lungs like little girls. We ignore them in the near confrontation and make our way to the street.

I call Bill again.

Me: Alright, man. We're by the street, by the "guardrail." Where you at?
Bill: alkdjf;laksj; oiajsflk; ja;joi

I figure if I start yelling in the phone, he will do the same, hence leading us to spot him.

Me: YOOOOO BILL! WHERE YOU AT?! BIIIILL!
Friends: BIIIIIIIILL! BIIIIIIILL!

All of a sudden I hear him yelling both on the phone and in my vicinity. I put my phone down and witness another classic Mexico Bill scene.

He is in the middle of the road with traffic passing him all around, still on his phone looking all over the place and yelling.

Bill: JOOOOHN! YO JOHNNY BLAAAAAAAZE!

Cars are beeping and Bill is walking the opposite way away from us and the stadium.

Bill: JOOOOOHHNNY BLLLAAAAAZZE! YOOOOO!

I quickly get him and bring him to safety (which seems to be the recurring theme in the John Money/Mexico Bill friendship). We start walking back just happy Bill didn't get run over and we are quickly greeted by the excited Charger fans from earlier.

Now these guys are yelling and getting closer, especially one dude that's so close to the point that if I jerk my head (which I'm tempted to do) I'll break this clown's nose. Of course I'm not looking for trouble so we're continuing on. Next thing I know, these guys surround us while we're still walking. There's about 12 of them and 4 of us. Now, I've never backed down from a fight (link to story coming soon...) but I'm always on my toes so if it's on, I'm ready to throw down.

We pass them and despite the near battle royale, we're on our way but hear them still yelling behind us. I'm still laughing pretty loud at them so I don't hear much but my own laughter. All of a sudden this guy comes up from behind me and knocks my hat off. This doesn't infurate me as much as it does entertain. I pick up my hat, and still laughing while I'm walking back towards him. He then does the same thing to Brad before quickly retreating to his posse a few feet away.

I'm totally calm and collected as I get in his face, but I now have to be Mr. Toughguy to see if he's ready to dance, as in join me doing the polka.

Me: What, you're gonna knock my hat off and not do nothin'!?

I knock his hat off.

Me: Go ahead. DO SOMETHING!

I stand there and inch away from his face for a few seconds and realize he's not gonna do anything. I look back to my friends and condescendingly point at the guy to solidify he's not going to do anything. I have a good laugh in his face and as we turn away cracking up, security arrives. With their protectors there, "HatKnocker" and his posse start getting tough again. We stay walking back so we can get ready for the game and after a good minute or 2 of walking, Brad is still excited.

Brad: Let's go back there, man. Let's go back!
Me: No. If you wanted to do something, you had your chance. They didn't do anything so whatever.
Brad: I'm going back.
Me: No you're not.

He starts walking back. With the other 2 looking at me as if to ask if we're going back and I just stand there. A few angry steps later and Brad comes back talking about how upset he is that we're not gonna go back and fight them.

We make it back and put away the tailgate stuff and proceed to go to the game. As we're going towards the stadium, I see a group of people in Giants jerseys. As I get closer, I see a guy that looks like someone I went to middle school with many years ago back on the east coast.

Me: (to M.Bill who's from my hometown) Hey, that dude over there looks just like Desse Jodell, doesn't it?
Mexico Bill: Oh yeah, it kind of does.
Me: Yeah, that looks exactly like Desse. OH MY GOSH! THAT'S DESSE JODELL!

We're 3,000 miles away, it's been years since I've seen this dude, and in a crowd of 80,000 at a game in San Diego, who would've thought we would run into someone from our hometown in CT?

Definitely one of the funnier and more random encounters of my life. It was so random that we literally laughed for minutes.

We proceed to the stadium, where we're blantantly told do disperse of any alcohol and we will NOT be allowed in the stadium with any alcoholic beverage. Brad of course does not want to waste his beers, so he decides to pocket them. Of course when he's searched, they immediately spot the alcohol protruding from his pants and kick him out.

Brad cannot enter the stadium. He can't watch the game. Me and Bill are already inside when this fiasco is going down and though he's our friend, there's no way we're missing the Giants game.

We wait for a few minutes while Brad tries sneaking in and then he calls me informing me he can't get in at the other entrance either since his tickets had been confiscated. Way to be Brad.

We proceed in and immediately Bill whips out 3 beers from his pants - which are consumed within minutes. We get to our seats and are obviously surround by Charger fans so the smack talking commences. The game gets underway and the place is going nuts. Two minutes into the game and Mexico Bill needs a drink.

He disappears. I'm too into the game to realize that when he calls me, it's already been a good 40 minutes.

On my phone: lakdjflk joaskdjflkj;laksj WHERE SEATS alkdsjflkaj l;kajs!!

I already know he's lost so I do the best I can.

Me: It's too loud to hear you! Get an usher and show him your ticket.
Bill: lakj;ldfj lk lakjsdf;lk jlka SEATS laksjd;flka lka jl
Me: GET AN USHER AND SHOW HIM YOUR TICKET!
Bill: alskdfj;alskdfjl;aksj;kla;jlksfj

I hang up.

My phone rings.

Bill: lakjsdfl;kja lkjalksjf lk jk lost lakjdflkajfk
Me: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SHOW SOMEONE YOUR TICKET. SHOW SOMEONE YOUR TICKET. GET SOMEONE THAT WORKS HERE AND SHOW THEM YOUR TICKET AND YOU'LL GET BACK HERE.

10 minutes later - No sign of Bill.

Halftime rolls around - No sign of Bill.

3rd quarter passes - No sign of Bill.

4th quarter as the game is ending - Is there any hope that Bill is around or even still alive? Nope.

The next thing I know, the game is over and Bill is nowhere in sight. I try calling him when I'm outside the stadium but it goes right to his voicemail. I get home and my friends are upset that they didn't get into the game, but even worse than that, they haven't heard from Bill either.

I call him a few more times but nothing. I don't find out till the next day that out of frustration Bill left the stadium after getting lost.

Did he take a bus? Nope. Did he grab a taxi? Negative. Get a ride from a friend or stranger? Not quite. He left the staduim and WALKED HOME! Well, at least tried. The last thing he remembered was being upset he missed the game and then trying to walk home that night.

He woke up the next day under a bridge.

I have great friends.

Go Giants.

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