The near fatal coupon refusal

As midday came around, Ed and I realized that we had not consumed a bite to eat since the previous day. He remembered that his mother had some coupons in her mountain high piles of papers somewhere, so immediately we scurried through the mess. Our short voyage brought us success as we found the golden ticket; a coupon that looked like it expired during the Great Depression. Ed questioned the validity knowing that it was old but after scrupulous inspection, I noticed there was no expiration date and no fine print. Good enough in my book.

We figure this thing won't work but since so many of our other scams had been flawless, we were going for it. The plan was to order our food, engorge ourselves on the delicacies, and then whip out our certificate. There would be no problems because if anything was said, Ed will simply fight someone. Logically speaking, there's no way they could refuse a coupon printed from their establishment, but regardless, we just didn't care. We were hungry.

After being seated we order the best steak meals on the menu and it was definitely to my liking, aside from the waiter asking every 2 seconds how are food was. I kid you not, the waiter would ask us how everything was, turn around, but before walking away would turn back around to ask us how everything was again. He'd take 2 steps away and then 3 steps back to see "how we were doing." I was chewing my food and pulled out what I thought was a bone, only to find out it was the waiter, who then asked how everything was.

As soon as we finished, who was in our face but the faithful waiter with the bill. Ed with a confident smile on his face effortlessly takes out the coupon and hands it to the waiter. The waiter looks at it as he's walking away and then stops dead in his tracks. He comes back to us and says he can't accept it because the restaurant has been bought out and is under new management. I wasn't surprised and didn't think it was a big deal figuring we would just leave. Ed on the other hand took offense.

Ed: Hey, don't ever embarrass me like that again buddy. The coupon is good.
Waiter: Uh, I'm sorry sir, but we can't take this.
Ed: Why don't you take that coupon to your manager before I have to take it and shove it up...
Me: Hey, don't worry about it man. Just get the manager and I'll take care of it.

Ed is glaring at the waiter, who appears to have just soiled himself. He does the right thing by quickly and nervously walking away to get help.

Ed: Can you believe that guy?
Me: Well the sign out front is the same name that's on the coupon and there's no expiration date so we're good.
Ed: That waiter really thought just saying the coupon wasn't good enough would make us pay! Haha, this guy has no idea who we are.
Me: Yeah, I think this is the longest time he's been away from the table. 1 minute!

Laughter over the previous events escalate as we anxiously await our next encounter. By this time the manager (in more casual clothes than us mind you) walks up.

Manager: I'm sorry gentlemen, but this company has been bought out and is under new management and we cannot accept this coupon. If you just have cash or a credit card we can take care of this.
Ed: Take care of this? The coupon is TAKING CARE OF THIS.
Manager: Well that's the problem, we're under new...
Ed: What does it say on the coupon? Huh? What restaurant name is on the coupon?

Other patrons in the establishment are now immersed, hearing the whole situation unfold. Ed is not the quietest of people when he's upset.

Manager: The "Blank" but...
Ed: And what does the sign say on this building? That one right out there? (he points to the sign that matches the coupon)
Manager: The "Blank" but...
Ed: Okay then.
Manager: Look, I'm not going to explain this again. We can't accept this.
Ed: Listen buddy...

I interject being the calm/business-like one. Almost verbatim I come through as Mr. Professional.

Me: Here's the situation. Neither of us were planning on paying since we were obviously anticipating using that coupon. The coupon clearly displays the name of the company advertised on the outside of your building regardless of if your business was recently bought out or not. There is no indication anywhere on that coupon that is "subject to change" and we were not informed of any of this previously to eating our meal. We're not here to cause any trouble (Ed shakes his head) but would just like to get this taken care of.

If that wasn't one of the nicest more professional ways I've handled something, I don't know what is. Instead of treating me with respect as I just had with him, the manager decides treating us with any sort of respect is beyond him.

Manager: Well, you're going to have to pay for this. I don't give a ---- how you do it!

That did it.

Ed: Get the owner! Call him, get him in here, whatever. I want to speak with the owner right now.
Manager: (condescendingly) Well your just in luck, the owner's here right now! (he turns to walk away)
Ed: Yeah, go get him you little ----!

The owner, who is dressed more casual than the manager and who we saw just drinking at the bar walks up hand and hand with the manager. The owner queries about the situation and I make sure Ed doesn't say anything so I can calmly reiterate what I told the manager moments early clearly explaining the situation. I figure being the owner of this popular restaurant establishment he's a professional businessman with some sort of etiquette. I quickly realize he's about as smart as the manager, which in turn makes my attitude slightly change.

Owner: Well you're going to have get the money somehow. Call your parents.
Me: I don't have any parents.
Owner: Well you'll have to call your friends or something because you need to pay for your food.
Me: Yeah, no friends either. It's just me and Ed.

Ed stands up, literally preparing to fight the owner (taking jacket off, cracking knuckles, getting that crazed look in eyes, etc.). I sit him down.

Me: (finally getting a little perturbed by the situation) Look, we don't have any money and we're not paying for this food. I tried to be nice and though my friend here is ready to break something-

Owner: I'm going to call the police-
Ed: (Pointing to me) Do you know who this guy is?
Me: You know what, I want you to call the police. Get them down here to resolve this. Call the police right now.

The owner continues to play out his bluff as he walks away to "call the police." After he realizes that we are calling him out and not falling for his ploy, he hesitantly walks back probably realizing the legality of the whole situation and we are in the right. The apologies start flowing like Niagara falls.

Owner: Okay guys, I'm really sorry about this.
Ed: I don't think you know who this is. This is John Money. You've probably seen him on TV-
Owner: I don't think I've seen him but I apologize for this whole misunderstanding and hope you can tell your friends this is a good place to eat. Yeah, let's put this whole thing behind us and tell everyone about this place and that it's really good.

Could this guy be serious?

Ed: John is gonna go on TV next week and talk about how much this place sucks! (turning to everyone in the restaurant) Yeah, you all saw what just happened, watch this guy next week on TV. He'll talk all about this joke they call a restaurant and how this fat--- tried to screw us!
Owner: (walking away) I'm sorry again.
Ed: (pointing at me and looking at everyone) John Money folks. This guy's a ------- celebrity!

As Ed and I are laughing about this whole thing and making fun of how quickly the owner's tone turned when we told him to call the police, the waiter walks up and begins apologizing. Ed immediately starts laughing in his face, but I handle it in typical John Money fashion.

Me: Look, this isn't your fault. You were just doing your job.

As everyone's eyes in the place are glued on me, I take out a wad of cash and tip him $10.

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